"Where's George" by Jane Mayer - NewYorker.com

Politics. Super PACs. Donations. Finance. Blah blah blah. I didn't read this but some of you cats like this politics bullshit so I'll post it.

You know it doesn't matter who you vote for though right? Might as well write in Poop Reads as your president. Your vote doesn't matter for shit and even if it did the dudes who are running are so minimally differentiated and incapable of changing anything that it doesn't mean a thing. Not a hoot. Politics is just something that exists so shifty politicians can grift money and have sex with chicks that wouldn't talk to them otherwise. The only other reason it could possibly exist is so that assholes can 'argue' about it in the hopes of making someone else look stupid because they just read something in the Economist or heard Bill O'Reilly spout out some populo-elitist bullshit and want to tell people about it. People that argue about politics should drink 10 whiskey sours and drive themselves home.

http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/newsdesk/2012/02/george-soros-democrats.html

P.S. George Soros is one weird looking motherfucker huh?

"I Was a Teenage Black Panther" by Jamal Joseph - TheAtlantic.com

This is an excerpt from a book this dude wrote about joining the Panthers when he was younger. Starts out with him running from the cops and getting shot at, and then being protected by a group of Panthers in about the most badass way possible. The Panthers do hand him some wise advice right off the bat though. If a cop tells you to freeze, don't run. Once you run, all bets are off.

Running from the cops is like banging another dude's wife. Sure you could do it, but if you do, you better get away with it. Because if you get caught, you could easily get killed before you can say 'bad decision.'

http://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2012/02/i-was-a-teenage-black-panther/252643/

"Shut Your Mouth, Chris Christie" by Ron Rosenbaum - Slate.com

Chris Christie is big and fat and loud and Ron Rosenbaum thinks his fat Jersey guy schtick is getting old. I don't care where he's from, I just have no respect for fat people. Like this dude really sneaky wants me to vote for him at some point to be President of the United States? To make the biggest decisions in the world? And he can't decide to not eat that third gabagoul sandwich at lunch? When he's like what? 5'10" 320? Get the fuck outta here.

http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/the_spectator/2012/02/chris_christie_s_going_down_gaffe_the_whole_jersey_fat_guy_authenticity_thing_is_over_.html

P.S. If he runs for president he'll legit have a heart attack on the campaign trail. Not wishing it on him, just saying.

P.P.S. It was a complete guess, but 5'10 320 seems about right, no? Nailed it.

"Let Me Finish" by David Weigel - Slate.com

This article was pretty good, I have to say. Slate took two professional comedians, Paul F. Tompkins and some dude I've never heard of, and had them critique the three Republican candidates handling of hecklers while onstage. There's video of the specific incidents too. I gotta say, I wouldn't vote for either of these asshats in a million years, but Romney and Newtie Newt handled they bid'nis up on stage. Total shut down of the dirty stinking hippies hurling insults and poorly researched nuggets of faux wisdom at the top of their lungs. Politics is just fucking awful.

http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/politics/2012/01/mitt_romney_heckler_stand_up_comics_assess_how_santorum_romney_and_gingrich_deal_with_hostile_audience_members_.html

P.S. Romney definitely wants to take that hippie teacher to an isolated rich-person ranch in Alaska and hunt him as human prey. It probably already happened.

"Your Guide to Mitt Romney's Tax Return" by Jim Newell - Gawker.com

Gawker does a decent job explaining just what the big uproar is over Mitt Romney's tax return. Dude paid something like 15% on the $20 million a year or so he was making, mostly off of interest. For those of you playing along at home, that means Mitt Romney pays about $3 million dollars a year in taxes. Yes that percentage is lower than most Americans pay, but the gross is also significantly higher. Plus by all accounts so far he did nothing illegal. He's just a dude trying to pay as little in taxes as he can, just like every single other person in America, save I guess for Warren Buffet. Romney just happens to be filthy stinking rich.

Listen I wouldn't vote for this dude in a million years. The guy's never drank a beer, he looks like an evil stepfather from an after-school special, and I don't trust him. That being said, the people that are mad at Mitt for his taxes aren't mad at him. They're mad at the system, or maybe they're just mad at themselves for being poor.

http://gawker.com/5878851/your-guide-to-mitt-romneys-obscene-tax-situation

"The Truth About Marianne Gingrich" by John H. Richardson - Esquire.com

So Ol' Newty Newt's second wife is gonna go on TV tonight and say he is not fit to be president because his actions don't match up to his words when it comes to family values (sort of a big deal for the GOP). Fair enough,he had been fucking around behind her back for six years, even going so far as to ask for an open marriage.* But Esquire's John H. Richardson has spent a lot of time with her, and what she told him about Newt is much, much worse.

http://www.esquire.com/blogs/politics/marianne-gingrich-interview-6641643?click=pp

*Kinda gotta respect the balls on that one. Newt comin' in all smoove like "yo baby let's play the field. It'll be real cool." That fat Dwigth Shrute-looking motherfucker.

"The Weasel, Twelve Monkeys, and The Shrub" by David Foster Wallace - RollingStone.com

I haven't read this yet but I can't wait to. It's DFW weighing in on the McCain2000 campaign (he toured with them for a bit). I can only imagine what this dude would have made of that.

http://www.txtpost.com/the-weasel-twelve-monkeys-and-the-shrub/

"Fire Congress, Dump Mississippi and Alaska" by Will Oremus - Slate.com

This is an article from Slate about how a private equity firm would run the country. Cutting the fat and selling the spare parts. Streamlining us down into one lean, mean, profit-turning, China-scaring motherfucker. I for one am all for anything that gets rid of Mississippi. Like damn, there's a lot of shitty states in the south, but everybody's got something going for them. Louisiana has New Orleans, food, and music. Florida has Miami and yachts. Alabama's got a damn stranglehold on football. Shit even Arkansas has Walmart. Mississippi's got dick. Hit the bricks bros, you're worthless.

Alaska's got all that oil but if we can't use it then sell, sell, sell. Underutilized resources like you read about on the internet. It's basically a gold mine of oil and I haven't even gotten into the timber yet. Sell it to like, France or somebody who could never ever ever beat us in a war.

Pretty sure I could run a PE firm. How hard could it be?

http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/moneybox/2012/01/america_for_sale_how_a_private_equity_firm_would_flip_the_united_states_to_china_.single.html

"Black Voters Told 'Relax, Don't Vote'" by Sherrilyn A. Ifill - TheRoot.com

The internet Gods took the day off. That being said, I just found this, and ... holy shit! Worth a read, worth a listen. Real-life Baltimore politicians make Baltimore politicians in The Wire look like George Washington. "I can not tell a lie, sir. I sent an automated phone message to to 110,000 mostly black households three hours before the 2010 elections ended telling people to "relax" and stay home because there's no need to vote tonight, "Obama has been succesful."

That's dirty pool.

Of course, if you were wondering about it, Obama wasn't on the ballot in the 2010 elections, so maybe if that voicemail put your mind at ease it's better you left the voting responsibilities to an (even mildly) informed electorate?

I don't know. Still though. Holy shit!

http://www.theroot.com/views/black-voters-told-relax-don-t-vote

"Football Is Something We Can Agree On" by Chris Jones - Esquire.com

Chris Jones weighs in on why people love football (it matters not at all but is based in reality) and hate politics (it matters a lot but is based on fraudulence and illusion). Pretty great column I thought.

http://www.esquire.com/the-side/feature/tv-recaps/monday-night-football-2011/patriots-dolphins-debate-6425136?click=pp

"Obama Foodarama" by I don't know who

Obama turned 50 recently and it sounds like he threw an awesome party at the White House in the rose garden for it. Fucking barbecue and shit. Chris Rock was there cracking jokes. Jay-Z rolled through being cool and rich and probably a little weird for a proud ex-crack dealer to be in the White House hobknobbing with the president. Charles Barkley was there dancing very smoove for a 280 pound gentleman I'm sure. And Fox News took a fucking shit in their pants for like a week every morning because all these blacks were in the White House at one time. I dunno. Seems like a pretty sick party. If Beyonce did the single ladies dance in the rose garden I am all in. Way cooler than Marilyn Monroe popping out of some stupid cake in Jackie O's face like whoa.

http://obamafoodorama.blogspot.com/2011/08/all-details-inside-president-obamas.html#more

p.s. Where was Michael Jordan? How does a Chicacgo bred president have all these cats at his birthday party and not have MJ23?

"Loving Obama" by Stephen Marche - Esquire.com

Stephen Marche always brings the fire when he writes. The guy's good. Here he writes probably the most, I don't know, sincere(?) article I've ever read by him. Dude loves Obama. This is basically a love note to him so if you're into Barry O. you'll probably love this. And if you're not into him, well, I posted two other dope articles tonight (James Harrison wouldn't piss on Roger Goodell if he was on fire, quote). Anyway, the guy's still the first black president, figured out some bullshit on healthcare that I should know more about but don't, had his boys jack up Osama bin Laden, could cross up any other president ever on the court, and still has time to enjoy a goddam cigarette if he wants to. Because he's the President of the United States goddamit. And he's ours.

http://www.esquire.com/features/thousand-words-on-culture/loving-obama-0811?click=pp

Of the 1% By the 1% For the 1% - by Joseph Stiglitz - Vanityfair.com

The rich will soon rue the day they became wealthy! I mean, not as much as the poor rue the day they became poor, but still. Stiglitz has a point in here somewhere I'm certain of it. I think it's pro-poor people.

http://www.vanityfair.com/society/features/2011/05/top-one-percent-201105

p.s. It's late.

"Agony and Ivory" by Alex Shoumatoff - Vanityfair.com

The Chinese (of course) are killing all the elephants. Big deal, it's not like elephants feel grief. Oh wait. They do.

I can't wait until that group of one billion tech-savvy deadbeats starts taking ownership of their portion of the globe. Oh, you wanna be a superpower? You want to wield enormous sway over the lives and economies of billions and billions of people? Cool, deal with Iran. And Pakistan. And North Korea. They're on your side of the bed.

Gonna make America look like Santa Claus. Mark it down.

http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/features/2011/08/elephants-201108

"Host" by David Foster Wallace - TheAtlantic.com

I forget how I stumbled across this piece today--it was linked to in another article I was reading but I don't remember which--but it's really good. One of DFW's more famous articles I guess. I dunno, I thought I was up on Wallace, I guess I'm not.* It's about some conservative-radio shock jock in LA who I guess eventually became Sarah Palin's PR guy. He quit her today.

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2005/04/host/3812/

*I was thinking about DFW yesterday actually. I boiled a lobster for the first time. Three actually (Stan, Edgar, and Prickly Pete), and I was thinking about his book of essays "Consider the Lobster" which goes in depth on why we should at least give some thought to throwing a living thing that might feel pain into a boiling cauldron of water. Fuck it dude, my answer to that is, don't be so delicious. No one will eat you then. It's the same thing I said to a lamb when I visited Blue Hill last summer. Cute lamb. Bouncing around and stuff, happy as could be on the farm in a field of daisies. Too bad it was toting around those shanks. I blame victims.

"Meanwhile, Back on Capitol Hill" by Vicky Ward - Vanityfair.com

A bunch of overprivileged nerd interns on Capitol Hill think they're sweet. I've never wanted to throw a cold glass of piss in someone's face more than I wanted to throw it in the face of this blonde chick who is the main focus of this story. She sounds awful.

http://www.vanityfair.com/politics/features/2001/12/washington-interns200112?printable=true

"The Hetherington Doctrine" by Sebastian Junger - VanityFair.com

Sebastian Junger weighs in with this piece on his late friend and collaborator, photographer Tim Hetherington. In his truncated life, Hetherington, who was killed in Libya earlier this year, was a stark, earnest, and brutally honest witness to lethal fights for freedom the world over. He will not soon be forgotten, and as Junger points out, his legacy may last even longer than his memorials.

http://www.vanityfair.com/politics/features/2011/06/sebastian-junger-tim-hetherington-201106

p.s. Hi Megan!

"From the Yearbook to the White House: The 2012 Republicans in High School" by Chris Good - TheAtlantic.com

Straight up, this article isn't gonna be good to print out. read it on your preferred mobile device. But it is pretty entertaining. High school yearbook photos of the leading Republican candidates for president. Two things to note. Why wasn't Sarah Palin hot when she was younger? She's like 60 now and still could do porn. Also, Mitt Romney went to Cranbrook! That's a private school!

http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2011/05/from-the-yearbook-to-the-white-house-the-2012-republicans-in-high-school/239485/#slide4

"Race to Space, Through the Lens of Time" by John Noble Wilford - NYTimes.com

This article takes a look back at the space race. Seems kind of quaint now in a "let's show these Russkies who's who, eh fellows?" kind of way. But back then it felt like life or death. This passage got me hooked.

"At one meeting, his brother Robert F. Kennedy, the attorney general, “turned on everybody,” it was reported, saying: “All you bright fellows. You got the president into this. We’ve got to do something to show the Russians we are not paper tigers.” At another, the president pleaded: “If somebody can, just tell me how to catch up. Let’s find somebody — anybody. I don’t care if it’s the janitor over there.” Heading back to the Oval Office, he told Mr. Sorensen, “There’s nothing more important.”"

Damn, JFK on some real talk right there. In tangentially related news, did anybody watching the OKC-Dallas game right now get inspired to be a better person by that Jim Beam commercial with Willem Defoe in it? I did. "Eventually, your choices become you." Ironic because choosing to drink Jim Beam has never, EVER made me a better person. I can guaranfuckingtee you that much. Enjoy the article, and lay off the sauce you mugs.

"Rich and Sort of Rich" by Andrew Ross Sorkin - NYTimes.com

These days making $250,000 per year makes you rich. So says Obama--and he wants to tax the hell out of you if you do make that much. I'm actually cool with that, I pull in about $245,000 a year off Poopreads and my other job doesn't cover the difference between that and 250k so I'm good, suckers. Pay up.

Guess I shouldn't have studied liberal arts in college?

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/05/15/weekinreview/15tax250copy.html?_r=2&ref=weekinreview