"It's the Economy Dummkopf!" by Michael Lewis - Vanityfair.com

I keep getting this article emailed to me like "Oh bro it's perfect for Poop Reads, it's a great article and it's about Germans and poop!".

Bros, Poop Reads it's not about poop. It's about Reads. Shit to take your mind off pooping while you poop. Different shit, totally different pile. I came up with this bomb idea and you shitheads took a hot dump all over it making it all about poop. Just firing away hot ones at Poop Reads like it's some crappy, doo-doo related Web site.

Germans talk about poop a lot. Michael Lewis explains why.

http://www.vanityfair.com/business/features/2011/09/europe-201109

p.s. Oh my god Tim Tebow just got DRILLED.

thanks to strap

"It Was Delicious While It Lasted" by Jay McInerney - VanityFair.com

I really dig Jay McInerney. For those of you not familiar, he was a hotshot author in the 80's who ran around Manhattan partying with celebrities and basically putting the city on its back. Check out Bright Lights, Big City if you want to know more. It's the only book written in the second person that's worth reading, with no due respect to Ayn Rand.

Here he profiles the Spanish restaurant El Bulli, which is closing down, and which has been pretty much unanimously considered the best restaurant in the world for as long as I've been reading about that kind of stuff. The chef, Ferran Adria, is considered a genius, and I'm pretty sure Anthony Bourdain would take a shot in the mouth from him and say thank you.

On that appetizing note, bon appetit:

http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/features/2010/10/el-bulli-201010

Of the 1% By the 1% For the 1% - by Joseph Stiglitz - Vanityfair.com

The rich will soon rue the day they became wealthy! I mean, not as much as the poor rue the day they became poor, but still. Stiglitz has a point in here somewhere I'm certain of it. I think it's pro-poor people.

http://www.vanityfair.com/society/features/2011/05/top-one-percent-201105

p.s. It's late.

"Agony and Ivory" by Alex Shoumatoff - Vanityfair.com

The Chinese (of course) are killing all the elephants. Big deal, it's not like elephants feel grief. Oh wait. They do.

I can't wait until that group of one billion tech-savvy deadbeats starts taking ownership of their portion of the globe. Oh, you wanna be a superpower? You want to wield enormous sway over the lives and economies of billions and billions of people? Cool, deal with Iran. And Pakistan. And North Korea. They're on your side of the bed.

Gonna make America look like Santa Claus. Mark it down.

http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/features/2011/08/elephants-201108

"The Prince Who Blew Through Billions" by Mark Seal - Vanityfair.com

Listen, this article is 27 pages long, and I haven't read the whole thing yet. But what I have read is pretty good. This little Asian cat-looking cat blew through 14 billion dollars that we know of. He was spending $50 million dollars a month. Had emissaries the world over looking for the hottest chicks to be in his concubine. Like legitimately combing the Andes' valleys looking for that one green eyed 15 year old Amazonian temptress to fit in there along with the big-boobed Persian and the slinky Filipino. He also spent $800,000 on erotic wristwatches. Read how.

http://www.vanityfair.com/society/features/2011/07/prince-jefri-201107

"A Free Man in L.A." by Vanessa Grigoriadas - VanityFair.com

A profile of Justin Timberlake. Fuckin' Timberlake. Triple-threat motherfucker. Single again and living in L.A. just smashing down any and every chick in the world literally whenever he wants. Basically his life is like one giant game of Supermarket Sweep except instead of with groceries it's with pussy. Ridiculous.

Dude def has herpes right? I feel like every celebrity has to have herpes. Way higher percentage than you think. If you could have sex with every single person you ever met I guarantee your bird would look like a pizza with everything on it. B'lee dat.

http://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/features/2011/07/justin-timberlake-201107

"Meanwhile, Back on Capitol Hill" by Vicky Ward - Vanityfair.com

A bunch of overprivileged nerd interns on Capitol Hill think they're sweet. I've never wanted to throw a cold glass of piss in someone's face more than I wanted to throw it in the face of this blonde chick who is the main focus of this story. She sounds awful.

http://www.vanityfair.com/politics/features/2001/12/washington-interns200112?printable=true

"The Hetherington Doctrine" by Sebastian Junger - VanityFair.com

Sebastian Junger weighs in with this piece on his late friend and collaborator, photographer Tim Hetherington. In his truncated life, Hetherington, who was killed in Libya earlier this year, was a stark, earnest, and brutally honest witness to lethal fights for freedom the world over. He will not soon be forgotten, and as Junger points out, his legacy may last even longer than his memorials.

http://www.vanityfair.com/politics/features/2011/06/sebastian-junger-tim-hetherington-201106

p.s. Hi Megan!

"Sex Trafficking of Americans" by Amy Fine Collins - Vanityfair.com

Apparently sex trafficking isn't just for asians and the eastern europeans anymore? American girls are in the mix as well.

Listen, I'm not trying to make fun of this because it's a shitty situation, obviously. But Christ, why the hell don't they just legalize prostitution? Hey, these girls are being beaten, and getting addicted to drugs, and murdered and washing up on Long Island beaches? Oh yeah? Get the government involved. Make it like cigarrettes. Regulate it, and tax the hell out of it. I don't mean to sound callous, but women have been going into the whorehood since day fucking one. They're never going to stop. You know why? Because men will always pay them for sex. Always. It's not going anywhere. So why not create a goddam bureau, have medical professionals, psyhcologists, social workers, and a few good businessmen run the joint and make it a safer enterprise for everyone involved? Boom. Aids goes down, beatings go down, murders go down, abuse goes down. Revenue goes up. Build a freaking school with that revenue and hope you can educate these chicks enough that they won't grow up and feel like their only choice is to bang fat assholes who can't get laid for free. Simple.

http://www.vanityfair.com/politics/features/2011/05/sex-trafficking-201105

"Goldman's Alpha War" by William D. Cohan - Vanityfair.com

A wild excerpt from Cohan's new book Money and Power: How Goldman Sachs Came to Rule the World about the power struggle between Jon Corzine and Hank Paulson for control of Goldman in the 90s. Dudes straight hated each other. And you know what they say, when elephants fight, the grass loses.

http://www.vanityfair.com/business/features/2011/05/goldman-sachs-201105?printable=true&currentPage=2

p.s. If you work in finance, I implore you: Get out! Get out now while there's still a twinkle in your eyes and a soul in your bosom. Get out and go tend bar in Big Sur, or work a shrimp boat in the Gulf, or start a totally kick-ass blog that is tangentially fecal matter-related. You'll be much happier. I promise you this.

"Picasso's Erotic Code" by John Richardson - Vanityfair.com

Richardson, an admirable writer, takes a gander at Picasso's mistress Marie-Therese Walter, a woman who became the artist's mistress at age 17, bore him a child, and killed herself after he died.

http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/features/2011/05/picasso-mistress-201105?printable=true

"The Assassin in the Vineyard" by Maximillian Potter - Vanityfair.com

Y'all thought this Poop Reads game was a joke? I'm sitting alone in a hotel room in Pompano Beach, Florida at 10:30pm updating Poop Reads on a stolen wifi connection called MyWifesBoobs. I just ate a chicken caesar salad wrap at a bar where i heard some guy ask the bartender how she was doing and she responded "I'm ok, I'm still sober." And I legitimately have no idea whether she is persevering for sobriety or just hadn't drank a bottle of white wine yet tonight. I drove a yacht today.

I bleed crimson blood for this Poop Reads game! This is real shit! All day everyday in broad day on Broadway!

Anyway, some French guy poisoned another french guys wine and now all these french people are all sacre bleu (!) and pissed off about it. Whatever, French, get over yourselves. There's real problems in the world.

http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/features/2011/05/vineyard-poisoning-201105

p.s. good article though.

thanks to hovetoogood

"Proust Questionnaire: Tina Fey" - Vanityfair.com

I love these Proust Questionarrie's by Vanity Fair. Just so damn self indulgent for celebrities, and yet so damn interesting to me. Like, how cool would it be if one day some random journalist was asking you bullshit like "When is it OK to lie?" and you answered something dumb like "whenever it behooves me" or "only to the poor and ugly". And 437 motherfuckers on Facebook "liked this." Amazing.

Anyway, Tina Fey is great.

http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/features/2011/05/proust-tina-fey-201105