"An Athlete and His Money are soon to Part" by Noah Davis - GQ.com

First off, 60-80% of NFL and NBA players are bankrupt within five years of leaving their respective leagues despite average salaries of over a million dollars per year. That is fucking BONKERS. But not really. Because think about the best athlete in your high school class. Then think about how dumb he was. Then times that by ten. That's how dumb most NFL and NBA cats are. Makes more sense now, right? Torii Hunter might be the stupidest person on earth. Read the article to find out why. There's a sucker born every minute folks.

http://www.gq.com/sports/guides/201204/athletes-millionaires-bankrupt-spending?mobify=0

"The Emasculation of Wall Street" by Gabriel Sherman - NYMag.com

I love how New York magazine and all these hipster Occupy losers and whatnot are trying to tell people it's no longer cool to work on Wall Street. Like yeah it was never "cool" to work 100 hours a week in a cube with a bunch of self-impressed nerds who conflate their net worth with their self worth so you could black out at B-Bar on Thursday night, and if you work in finance and you talk about your job in front of anyone else who doesn't work in finance you--with no doubt-- are a boring tool. But it's still kind of cool that otherwise mildly normal dudes can go work at a bank and make as much money as a cornerback and fuck chicks they'd never even get a whiff of if they didn't have that loot behind them. So in some ways, working on Wall Street will always be cool. Because being rich is cool. Quit trying to tell me otherwise.

http://nymag.com/news/features/wall-street-2012-2/

"Your Guide to Mitt Romney's Tax Return" by Jim Newell - Gawker.com

Gawker does a decent job explaining just what the big uproar is over Mitt Romney's tax return. Dude paid something like 15% on the $20 million a year or so he was making, mostly off of interest. For those of you playing along at home, that means Mitt Romney pays about $3 million dollars a year in taxes. Yes that percentage is lower than most Americans pay, but the gross is also significantly higher. Plus by all accounts so far he did nothing illegal. He's just a dude trying to pay as little in taxes as he can, just like every single other person in America, save I guess for Warren Buffet. Romney just happens to be filthy stinking rich.

Listen I wouldn't vote for this dude in a million years. The guy's never drank a beer, he looks like an evil stepfather from an after-school special, and I don't trust him. That being said, the people that are mad at Mitt for his taxes aren't mad at him. They're mad at the system, or maybe they're just mad at themselves for being poor.

http://gawker.com/5878851/your-guide-to-mitt-romneys-obscene-tax-situation

"The NBA's 'That Dude Made What' All-Stars" by Robert Mays - Grantland.com

Goddamit these dickheads are overpaid. Stop watching the NBA now please. Or whenever it starts. These dudes don't deserve this loot. Like 20 of them deserve it. The rest of them, no no no. No. This is really insane.

http://www.grantland.com/blog/the-triangle/post/_/id/12245/the-nbas-that-dude-made-what-all-stars

"U.S. Treasure Hunters Find $200 Million Dollar Wreck" by Josh Voorhees - Slate.com

What's up bitches I'm back. I got kinda caught up with my actual job* traveling all over the country a few weeks back and didn't update. Truthfully Delta Airlines broke my spirit for a little bit. They fucking suck. So does Detroit, don't ever go there. It's rainy and sad and cold and poor. So, anyway, that's my apology.

Back to business. Let's talk some motherfucking treasure. This isn't really literature but some treasure hunting firm (They have those? Are they hiring?) just found a shipwreck with 200 million dollars of silver mahfuckin' bullion on it. And they get to keep 80% of it. Shit you not if I found 200 million dollars worth of treasure I would be dead in 3 months, Liver would just throw in the towel like "Fuck you Kevin I can't do this anymore. You're on your own, enjoy your short, liver-less life, dead guy."

http://slatest.slate.com/posts/2011/09/26/ss_gairsoppa_odyssey_marine_exploration_u_s_treasure_hunters_fin.html

*I Went to a high school reunion a few weeks ago and 3 or 4 people asked me if poop reads is my real job. To clear this up and avoid any awkwardness in the future, no, no it is not.

"Karl Marx Was Wrong" by Infinite Guest - Dealbreaker.com

Pretty sure this is the first article we've ever posted from Dealbreaker. I used to read them a lot when I was a finance monkey, but now not so much. Usually just a bunch of snarky Ivy League dweebs pulling each other's puds about how smart they are and how rich they'll be. Sweet bro.

But this article deconstructing Communism is actually pretty good. Nobody deconstructs Communism anymore mostly because just about everyone but that one dude Elaine dated on Seinfeld agrees that the shit works a lot better on paper, but still, this is a thought provoking piece. But it still doesn't mean you get to be a selfish dickwad and justify it with the philosophical stylings of Ayn Rand. Don't do that. That's what dickwads do.

http://dealbreaker.com/2011/09/karl-marx-was-wrong/#more-51711

"It's Good to be Kings" by Seth Colter Walls - Slate.com

Good article here examining who is more egotistical, Kanye or Jay-Z. The author makes a few astute points about how both men view their accumulated wealth: Yeezy sees it as an end in itself while Jay views it with a more critical eye.

I got nothing more to add. My internet connection sucks, I'm sunburned, and I'm the lightest guy in this hotel lobby by at least 100 bills.

http://www.slate.com/id/2301313/

p.s. Not even joking as I wrote that last line the guy sitting behind me farted out loud and left. My cue to leave.

"Baseball Has No Fighting Chance" by Jason Gay - WSJ.com

Jason Gay writes for the Journal about how the NFL dominates major league baseball. I wonder why that could be? Oh, I know. Could it be because baseball is boring as sin to watch? You know when I first realized baseball was boring? I was 8, watching the Mets-Dodgers in the '88 World Series, wondering exactly what kind of scenario would need to transpire for the Mets to call me up to bat in the playoffs, because I was certain I could have taken that nerd Orel Hershiser deep. The second I realized Davey Johnson wasn't stepping through that door was the second I realized baseball was boring to watch.

Wow there is a huge pod of dolphins out my window right now. I'm at the beach.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424053111904007304576494440128632246.html?KEYWORDS=football+baseball

thanks to Healy

Of the 1% By the 1% For the 1% - by Joseph Stiglitz - Vanityfair.com

The rich will soon rue the day they became wealthy! I mean, not as much as the poor rue the day they became poor, but still. Stiglitz has a point in here somewhere I'm certain of it. I think it's pro-poor people.

http://www.vanityfair.com/society/features/2011/05/top-one-percent-201105

p.s. It's late.

"The Prince Who Blew Through Billions" by Mark Seal - Vanityfair.com

Listen, this article is 27 pages long, and I haven't read the whole thing yet. But what I have read is pretty good. This little Asian cat-looking cat blew through 14 billion dollars that we know of. He was spending $50 million dollars a month. Had emissaries the world over looking for the hottest chicks to be in his concubine. Like legitimately combing the Andes' valleys looking for that one green eyed 15 year old Amazonian temptress to fit in there along with the big-boobed Persian and the slinky Filipino. He also spent $800,000 on erotic wristwatches. Read how.

http://www.vanityfair.com/society/features/2011/07/prince-jefri-201107

"A Once-Tight Flock at Goldman, Now Scattered" by Susanne Craig - NYTimes.com

If you're at all interested in finance, success, money, rich people, or people in general, this story will appeal to you. The Times did an informal study on the 221 people who were fortunate enough to be partners at Goldman Sachs in 1998, the year it went public. It's a little "where are they now?" type deal. You'd be surprised. One dude's a pastor. Another guy lost his entire $120 million dollar fortune investing in a Turkish bioengineering company that was trying to create miniature giraffes for sale as pets.

I made that giraffe part up.

http://dealbook.nytimes.com/2011/05/16/a-once-tight-flock-at-goldman-now-scattered/

"The Hot-Money Cowboys of Baghdad" by Steven Lee Myers - NYTimes.com

You think you're bad? Hot shot on the trading desk taking "big risks" with other people's money? Really striking out on your own with that marketing agency you're trying to get to fly? If you were really bad, you'd go to Baghdad with nothing but a handgun, a cell phone, and a business card. Like these guys. Get that Saddam-Hussein-type money, son! You won't do it ...

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/05/22/magazine/the-hot-money-cowboys-of-iraq.html?_r=2&hp

"Rich and Sort of Rich" by Andrew Ross Sorkin - NYTimes.com

These days making $250,000 per year makes you rich. So says Obama--and he wants to tax the hell out of you if you do make that much. I'm actually cool with that, I pull in about $245,000 a year off Poopreads and my other job doesn't cover the difference between that and 250k so I'm good, suckers. Pay up.

Guess I shouldn't have studied liberal arts in college?

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/05/15/weekinreview/15tax250copy.html?_r=2&ref=weekinreview

"Five Tax Cheats Explained" by Chris Ladd - Esquire.com

I am so anti-tax right now. Gub'mint stuck they hand in an honest blogger's wallet so deep this year just to line they own fat cat pockets. Gub'mint's really on some bullshit huh? Like, I write stuff for a living, jerkbags. I don't even get a paycheck, I just get a dirty plastic baggie filled with duck's teeth and little pieces of rags every other Friday and I'm supposed to make ends meet with that. Now I got Obama telling me I owe the gub'mint money? Barbaric. If I vote in 2012--which if history is any indicator, I won't--I will vote for Donald Trump so fast it will make Obama's head spin. Hey Barry, you're fired!

Anyway, I'm kind of a puss I guess and I'm afraid of jail so I paid my taxes. But if I had any balls at all I would have cheated on them. In one of the five ways laid out in this article. (Except for the Wesley Snipes way, that just seems misguided.)

http://www.esquire.com/the-side/feature/tax-deductions-032009?click=news

"In Search of America's Cheapest Car" by Abram Sauer - Esquire.com

Pretty simple experiment here. Guy sees just how much car he can get for $600. Before you laugh, ask yourself, "How secure is my job?"

http://www.esquire.com/the-side/feature/used-cars-under-a-grand?click=pp