"YouTube Hall of Fame: The Wire" - Grantland.com

Y'know I just didn't see anything worth Poop Reading today UNTIL I found this just now. YouTube Hall of Fame for the Wire. GIT OFF ME!!!!! I am so pumped to watch this. Best show of all time combined with one of my favorite regular web columns. Oh this is gonna be so good. So so very wonderful. Excuse me I need a moment.

I watched a few clips of The Wire today, including when Slim Charles pops Cheese, and god DAMN was that a good scene. Slim Charles was the man, and Method Man was so damn good at playing a slimy, two-faced slug. It felt so good to watch him get his wig split. Really brought me back. Enjoy.

http://www.grantland.com/blog/hollywood-prospectus/post/_/id/45133/youtube-hof-the-wire

"Olivia Munn's Cellphone E-Mail Got Hacked ..." - Barstoolsports.com

Sorry guys. I have very little for you today. I try to keep the quality control here tight and the internet simply didn't bring it today.

That being said, the best thing I saw all day was the messages Olivia Munn sends her boyfriend along with naked pictures of her. Honest to god the text is maybe hotter than the photos. This chick is dduurrtttyyy. God bless her slutty little heart. She should run a school where you can send you girlfriend to slut her up just like 10-15 percent. Clearly you don't want anybody long term doing/saying shit like Olivia gets into, because there's no satisfying a chick like that. But still, I like her style and everyone can use a sensei. Do you, Munn.

NSFW.

http://www.barstoolsports.com/boston/super-page/olivia-munns-cellphone-or-email-got-hacked-and-now-i-am-obsessed-with-her-and-need-to-fuck-her/

"The Ballsiest Call in Super Bowl History" by Brian Burke - Deadspin.com

Click on this article and read the entire series that was going on today between the Slate And Deadspin guys. As I've said all season it's some of the best football writing on the internet.

This one is about that call to let Bradshaw score the touchdown. It breaks it down with Sabermetrics, and apparently if Bradshaw went in the G-Men had an 88% chance of winning and if they kicked the field goal they had a 98% chance of winning. Call me old fashioned but I still would have scored the TD. It's the fucking Super Bowl. Take the points for the win and trust in your D to stop the Pats from going 80 yards in 57 seconds. A lot of things can go wrong on a 25-yard field goal. I dunno, numbers say I'm wrong but as I've always maintained, numbers are for nerds.

http://deadspin.com/5882567/the-ballsiest-call-in-super-bowl-history

P.S. When that ball got tipped and there was a moment from the one angle where it looked like Gronk was gonna come down with it I almost threw up on my Sebagos. Like immediate puke. Can you imagine Gronk's status if he did come down with that? Would be bananas. Best football play ever. Would make the helmet catch look like a father-son toss in the park. Gronk would instantly have become the most famous, most popular athlete in the world and an all-time legend, even if he retired today.

Thank fucking God that didn't happen.

"Craig Finn of The Hold Steady Talks Friday Night Lights, Religion, and His New Record" by David Haglund - Slate.com

So The Hold Steady is my favorite band (I'll post a song at the bottom). And their lead singer Craig Finn has a new album coming out called Clear Hearts, Full Eyes, that is inspired partially by Friday Night Lights, which is probably my second favorite show of all time behind The Wire. Suffice to say, I don't think anyone in the world is quite as suped as I am for the release date. I'm weird like that. Here's an interview with Finn. The guy is smart and entertaining. Listen to the song at the bottom and then read this article. The theme of this party's the Industrial Age, and you came in dressed like a train wreck.

http://www.slate.com/blogs/browbeat/2011/11/16/craig_finn_of_the_hold_steady_talks_friday_night_lights_religion_and_his_new_record.html

The Weekenders by The Hold Steady http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=744-m7CXs6E

"Goodbye, Mr. Big" by Jay McNierney - NYMag.com

This article by 1980's hotshot writer Jay McInerney is great. It's a profile of the real-life Mr. Big from Sex and the City. Dude was a stud. But also not a stud. A half-Jewish half-Italian kid from Peekskill who barged into the big-time NYC magazine publishing game and charmed the pants off of everyone. Literally.

Then at the peak of his career he took off and moved to a farm in Vermont, which, for my money, is fucking awesome. Dude probably had pet goats. I want pet goats. All sure-footed and capable of producing alternative dairy products. SOMEBODY GET ME A GOAT!

http://nymag.com/nymetro/news/media/features/n_10334/

"U.S. Treasure Hunters Find $200 Million Dollar Wreck" by Josh Voorhees - Slate.com

What's up bitches I'm back. I got kinda caught up with my actual job* traveling all over the country a few weeks back and didn't update. Truthfully Delta Airlines broke my spirit for a little bit. They fucking suck. So does Detroit, don't ever go there. It's rainy and sad and cold and poor. So, anyway, that's my apology.

Back to business. Let's talk some motherfucking treasure. This isn't really literature but some treasure hunting firm (They have those? Are they hiring?) just found a shipwreck with 200 million dollars of silver mahfuckin' bullion on it. And they get to keep 80% of it. Shit you not if I found 200 million dollars worth of treasure I would be dead in 3 months, Liver would just throw in the towel like "Fuck you Kevin I can't do this anymore. You're on your own, enjoy your short, liver-less life, dead guy."

http://slatest.slate.com/posts/2011/09/26/ss_gairsoppa_odyssey_marine_exploration_u_s_treasure_hunters_fin.html

*I Went to a high school reunion a few weeks ago and 3 or 4 people asked me if poop reads is my real job. To clear this up and avoid any awkwardness in the future, no, no it is not.

"YouTube Hall of Fame" - Grantland.com

I love these articles from Grantland, where the editors get together and pick their favorite YouTube videos of the moment and write short essays about them. It's one of the most entertaining series on the web for my money. And while everyone here does well (except maybe for David Jacoby who tries to pawn off a Jamaican dance craze that Barstool blogged about like 6 months as a new thing) the girl who kills it is Katie Baker writing about the marshmallow experiment.

The marshmallow experiment is a psychological test they did with little kids I think like in the 90s where the researcher gives a kid a marshmallow and then leaves the room, with the supposition that if the kid doesn't eat the marshmallow he can have two marshmallows in ten minutes. It's basically a test of inborn self control. And they tracked these kids and basically found that the ones who could hold off ended up being way more succesful in life than the more impulsive kids who ate the marshmallow.

But watch these little kids on the video. They encompass every single personality trait in the world and it's hilarious. And Katie Baker narrates the shit out of it.

http://www.grantland.com/blog/hollywood-prospectus/post/_/id/30965/youtube-hall-of-fame-brawling-bruins-marshmallow-tests-and-the-latest-jamaican-dance-craze

"Gone Forever: What It Takes to Disappear" by Evan Ratliff - Wired.com

Really cool article from Wired.com of all places on what it takes for someone to disappear in this day and age. I guess it fits for Wired because there's so much data tracked by technology today--not like the 1800s when you could just move two states over and tell everyone in town your name was Bill and you were set? Boom. New life. Old-timey times were so sketch.

Anyway, according to this, one of the main problems people who fake their deaths have is boredom. They can't really do anything interesting, because if they do, they'll get caught. I don't know if I buy that though. Based on exactly zero (0) personal experience, I feel like I could sit around and watch TV and youtube for the next ten years or so and be quite alright. Maybe hit the gym every once in a while and escape to some dumpy bar for a brew-dog or nine whenever I got thirsty. Form superficial friendships with a bunch of grimy drunks and wile away my days like my shit don't stink. Doesn't seem like a bad way to spend a decade really. I feel like that. I don't know that from personal experience. I feel it.

http://www.wired.com/vanish/2009/08/gone-forever-what-does-it-take-to-really-disappear/

"Nasty, Brutish, and Not that Short" Economist.com

If you've ever watched the battle scenes in Braveheart and thought to yourself, "holy shit, how violent must that have been?" you're going to like this article, about a skeleton unearthed from the Battle of Towton, which occurred in England in 1461. The writer (whose name I can't find listed anywhere?) goes in depth about how this man would have lived, and how he might have died. Turns out taking a few shots to the noggin from a broad sword can do some horrific damage.

Really, this is one of my favorite articles I've read in a while. I think about that medieval battle stuff a lot. Like, how was anyone good? Even if you were the nastiest swordsman in all of England, what's to stop someone from chopping out your knees from behind with a battle axe or whatever? How did anyone ever survive? Doesn't make any sense.

http://www.economist.com/node/17722650

"What Would A 16-Man NBA One-On-One Tournament Look Like?" by Drew magary and Tommy Craggs - Deadspin.com

AAGGHHHH. I just had a whole write up written about this and then the internet crashed and didn't save it. The internet sucks. It doesn't work right yet. Scientists need to get on that.

Anyway, this article is like fantasy land for basketball fans. Drew Magary and Tommy Craggs pick who would win a one on one tourney in the NBA. I don't follow the NBA that much, but from what I've seen, I feel like it has to be either Lebron, Kobe, Chris Paul, or Derrick Rose, with Durant knocking on people's doors and maybe even Melo sneaking in with his West Side Baltimore funk. I don't know. These guys feel like they might though.

http://deadspin.com/#!5798197/what-would-a-16+man-nba-one+on+one-tournament-look-like

p.s. If the link doesn't work just copy and paste it. Like I said, internet don't work right.

"Deadspin Funbag: Special Bin Laden Edition" by Drew Magary - Deadspin.com

The Deadspin Funbag and bin Laden together? I told you I read my stats! I know what Poopreaders want! And that's random bros writing in to Drew Magary to try and make sense of the biggest terrorist in the world getting his eyeballs shot out while using his wife as a human shield. AMERICA!!!! FUCK YEAH!!!!!! ( And no, I don't feel bad for Bin Laden's wife, you commie--pretty sure she wouldn't have had a whole lot of compassion for the victims of 9/11, so her and her dead body can go kick rocks for all I care.)

Excuse me I got carried away.

What do people think about Rashard Mendenhall's tweets about Bin Laden and "not hearing his side of the story"? There's of course the knee jerk reaction that "what an idiot that fat idiot is and does he hate America and doesn't he know thousands of people died?" and that's valid. But I think Rashard is a victim of his own brain and heart. He's got a big heart, anyone who watches him play knows that. And he seems like he's probably a devout Christian. And I would guess that at some point in his life either he or people he is close with got into some serious trouble and got railroaded by the system for one reason or another. So I think Mendenhall's statements at least show that he is capable of compassion--possibly too a fault--and some fairly intellectual introspection. So I'll say this, it wasn't that Rashard Mendenhall wasn't thinking when he tweeted those comments, it's that he wasn't thinking hard enough.

Anyway, Funbag, have at:

http://deadspin.com/#!5798130/your-special-edition-dead-bin-laden-funbag

"The Secret Team That Killed Bin Laden" by Marc Ambinder - Nationaljournal.com

The National Journal wrote the best article on the web today about the U.S. Navy SEAL team that killed Bin Laden. Dudes are total badasses. Seal Team Six. They don't even officially exist. They report straight to Obama and he's like "go cap this bitch in thus and such country. he's bad." and they're all "Yes, sir!" It's awesome.

They are specially picked from the very best of SEALs, which if you've read anything about what those guys do, not only as SEALs, but just to become part of that group, is wildly impressive. And then, and then! There's a 50% attrition rate during training for SEAL Team Six. I can't even fathom that. You'll love this article.

http://nationaljournal.com/whitehouse/the-secret-team-that-killed-bin-laden-20110502

p.s. If you want to learn more about Navy SEALs read Lone Survivor by Marcus Luttrell.

p.p.s. Who gets more butt, a circa 2004 Clooney or the cat who put a double tap in Bin Laden's melon?

"Notes on the Death of Osama Bin Laden" by Steve Coll - Newyorker.com

The New Yorker lays out exactly what happened when we split Bin Laden's wig in an insightful but easily digestible article with tidbits explaining exactly what happened, who did it, how, and what it means. If your head is kind of spinning over all the information that has come in on the Bin Laden death, this is the article for you.

http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/newsdesk/2011/05/notes-on-the-death-of-osama-bin-laden.html