"An Athlete and His Money are soon to Part" by Noah Davis - GQ.com

First off, 60-80% of NFL and NBA players are bankrupt within five years of leaving their respective leagues despite average salaries of over a million dollars per year. That is fucking BONKERS. But not really. Because think about the best athlete in your high school class. Then think about how dumb he was. Then times that by ten. That's how dumb most NFL and NBA cats are. Makes more sense now, right? Torii Hunter might be the stupidest person on earth. Read the article to find out why. There's a sucker born every minute folks.

http://www.gq.com/sports/guides/201204/athletes-millionaires-bankrupt-spending?mobify=0

"The Saints, Head-hunting, and (Another) Disaster for the NFL" by Charles Pierce - Grantland.com

Charles Pierce's whole schtick is getting a little tiresome to me. I know I've touted him in the past, and he's a good writer no doubt. But between his undeniably self-righteous politics blog at Esquire and pieces like this one about the Saints bounty scandal, you begin to wonder how his mind got so high while his head stayed buried so low in the sand.

I'm almost insulted by all the 'outrage' about this Saints thing. Like we're supposed to be surprised that football players are trying to hurt each other? And multi-millionaire professional football players are putting down infinitesimal percentages of their salaries on who can hurt who? The horror. I mean no fucking shit this is going on. It's going on with every team in the NFL I'd bet. It was going on at the University of Miami and those guys didn't make an honest cent playing the game. Even Brett Favre, who got slobber-knocked left and right by these very Saints was just sort of like "yeah, that's football" when he was interviewed about 'the scandal.'

So save me the self-righteous blather about saving players' health and whatnot. They're all big boys. They signed on to run into each other at full speed and now they know the ramifications of their actions and you know what? By and large, they still don't seem to care. Because if they didn't play pro football they wouldn't have any money or women or nice cars or or big homes, and a lot of them would be pumping gas, teaching gym, selling insurance, or, in I'd wager more than a few cases, dead or in jail. At least they're honest with themselves about it. I can respect the hell out of that.

Bottom line, football is a violent game played by mean and angry men. As long as that's true there's always going to be imminent risk involved. And if you don't want to watch it, if that violence insults you, that's fine. Go watch soccer. I hear the US beat Italy 1-0.

http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/7647468/the-new-orleans-saints-nfl-concussions

P.S. Realest shit I ever wrote.

P.P.S. Still a decent article to read about this Saints stuff.

"Vince Wilfork Straight Up Told The Refs They Blew A Call In New England’s Favor" by Barry Petchesky - Deadspin.com

This clip of Vince Wilfork telling a ref he blew a holding call in the Super Bowl is pretty awesome. Wilfork is one big fat motherfucker, but he does seem like a decent dude. I'd love to play with him. Just a 400 pound happy motormouth running around like a pre-diabetic 4 year old playing with a bunch of 2 year olds out there. I'd follow that guy into hell, or at least into the closest 7-11.

http://deadspin.com/5884027/vince-wilfork-straight-up-told-the-refs-they-blew-a-call-in-new-englands-favor

"Win a Championship, Lose a Knee" by Stefan Fatsis - Deadspin.com

Dudes saw Jake Ballard drop like a writhing ton of bricks on the sideline during the Super Bowl right? Torn ACL, and a long road back to healthiness. This guy Fatsis* presupposes that maybe he partially injured his knee on the play, and that the doctors on the sideline let him run away to see if he could go back in, and that's where he really injured himself. Pretty fucked up if so. Here's to you Jake, feel better.

http://deadspin.com/5883428/win-a-championship-lose-a-knee

*Toughest last name for a chick, ever?

"The Ballsiest Call in Super Bowl History" by Brian Burke - Deadspin.com

Click on this article and read the entire series that was going on today between the Slate And Deadspin guys. As I've said all season it's some of the best football writing on the internet.

This one is about that call to let Bradshaw score the touchdown. It breaks it down with Sabermetrics, and apparently if Bradshaw went in the G-Men had an 88% chance of winning and if they kicked the field goal they had a 98% chance of winning. Call me old fashioned but I still would have scored the TD. It's the fucking Super Bowl. Take the points for the win and trust in your D to stop the Pats from going 80 yards in 57 seconds. A lot of things can go wrong on a 25-yard field goal. I dunno, numbers say I'm wrong but as I've always maintained, numbers are for nerds.

http://deadspin.com/5882567/the-ballsiest-call-in-super-bowl-history

P.S. When that ball got tipped and there was a moment from the one angle where it looked like Gronk was gonna come down with it I almost threw up on my Sebagos. Like immediate puke. Can you imagine Gronk's status if he did come down with that? Would be bananas. Best football play ever. Would make the helmet catch look like a father-son toss in the park. Gronk would instantly have become the most famous, most popular athlete in the world and an all-time legend, even if he retired today.

Thank fucking God that didn't happen.

"A Look Inside NBC's Playbook for the Super Bowl Broadcast" by Jeremy Repanich - Deadspin.com

Ever wonder how they get all those ridiculous angles on every single play in the NFL on camera. Wonder no more.

Feel free to keep wondering how the refs always seem to fuck it all up with so many camera angles to watch though.

http://deadspin.com/5881438/a-look-inside-nbcs-playbook-for-the-super-bowl-broadcast

"An Insider's Guide to Chop Blocks" by Nate Jackson - Slate.com

Trying to watch the Tebow's beat Team Date Rape right now. Excuse the short entry. Here's Nate Jackson on the difference between getting chop blocked and getting cut blocked, and what dudes say on the field during the game about it.

http://deadspin.com/5873830/an-insiders-guide-to-chop-blocks

"It's an All-Football Mailbag!" by Bill Simmons - Grantland.com

Goddam is Bill Simmons not funny anymore. That being said, his readers still are and this mailbag is all about football. Enjoy.

http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/7432606/all-football-mailbag

"The Curse of Takeo Spikes" by Don Banks - Si.com

I renamed this article because Don Banks' title sucked.

You know what? Takeo Spikes has played 14 seasons without one damn playoff appearance. Not Super Bowl appearance. Playoffs. That fucking sucks. Takeo Spikes is a good player too. Also his neck is just, I mean, I don't even know what to say. It's in that category with Reese Witherspoon's chin and Coco's butt. Like it shouldn't even belong on a human being. Takeo Spikes looks like Roadblock from the Gi Joes. I mean it's absurd. His neck is like a 23. I have nothing else to say, just ... behold.

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2011/writers/don_banks/12/01/playoff.luck/index.html?eref=sihp&sct=hp_t13_a2

"The Refreshing Seriousness of Tim Tebow" by Kevin Craft - TheAtlantic.com

Yes! This is more or less exactly why I've been rooting for Tim Tebow lately. He's just so refreshing. So real. So earnest. Not even joking. See that? My soft, non-God-fearing ass can't even express my own earnest sentiments on the man without coming off sarcastic.

I love Tim Tebow just running around being as earnest as fuck. Just being exactly how the people who knew him when he was 16 thought he'd be. A Christ-loving, willful, winner with unexpectedly cherubic cheeks for a dude with what looks like less than 6% body fat.

And if earnesty is the new irony, I'm surprised these goddam hipsters out there haven't adopted him as their new mascot. Bunch of scrawny, stinky art majors running around with Tebow jerseys on. Which they would of course be doing somewhat ironically--because if you're a super sweet artist running around Williamsburg with an NFL replica jersey with another man's name on the back, make no mistake, you are being ironic as a motherfucker. Which maybe comes full circle to earnest at some point? Fuck that dude, "born to be ironic" is no way to go through life. Stand for something or fall for anything. That's the truth. God (that I don't believe in) bless Tim Tebow. And I mean that earnestly.

http://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2011/11/the-refreshing-seriousness-of-tim-tebow/249151/

"Legality vs. Morality in the NFL" by Stefan Fatsis - Deadspin.com

This is from the same string of conversational letters between Deadspin and Slate as those pieces from Nate Jackson I've put up here. This particular one is from the unfortunately named Stefan Fatsis about the wood Kenny Phillips put on Jimmy Graham in the Giants-Saints game the other night. Honestly, it looked clean to me. I mean, what is Kenny Phillips supposed to do in that situation, get out of the way? They wear helmets for a reason--sometimes their heads collide. Plus Phillips obviously didn't mean to decapitate the guy he was apologizing or something right after the play was ended and Graham was lying there looking like a sniper got him. I mean, not to be a meathead about it, but it's football. There's plenty of other sports where you don't run the risk of hitting your head. Swimming, for one.

http://deadspin.com/5863509/legality-vs-morality-in-the-nfl

"Running for Three Yards is Like Going Backwards" by Brian Burke - Deadspin.com

I don't mean to make this a football blog, it's just that like 60% of the articles I've posted lately are football-related. You know why? You don't? I'll tell you. The amount of actually smart people, as opposed to "football smart" people or run-of-the-mill sportswriters that write about sports, and football in particular, lately is astounding. The author of this piece on why running the ball in the NFL outside of short-yardage and red zone situations is pointless, is the founder of the Web site AdvancedNFLstats.com. He's also a former Navy fighter pilot with an M.S. in math and an M.A. in business. Now granted business school masters are horseshit, but still.

I'm not sure why nerds got into the sports-writing game, real nerds that is (I suspect Chuck Klosterman had a hand in it), but I like it. Nerds have a place. Nerds are smart. That's what nerds do. If you can listen to a nerd nerd-out and not have to deal with said nerd on a face-to-face basis, it's a win win. You learn something, but you don't have to hang out with a nerd.

http://www.advancednflstats.com/

p.s. That being said, this nerd is cooler than me and could probably beat my ass too. Fucking fighter pilot huh bro? Yeah? I got nothing for ya. You win, nerd.

"The Perils and Pleasures of Life as a 220-pound Tight End" by Nate Jackson - Deadspin.com

Now this is what the fuck I'm talking about Nate Jackson! Guy manages to use the SAT word "cursory" correctly and then drops some insider knowledge like this:

I played tight end at 235 pounds on a good day. As the season wore on, it was difficult for me to keep that weight on and I'd dip under 230. One season I was getting dangerously close to 220 pounds, and that doesn't fly with the coaches. We had weigh-ins every week, so on the mornings I had to hit the scale I would walk to my locker, put on my sweats, then walk into the training room and grab two five-pound ankle weights to strap on under my sweats. Nobody ever caught on. 232.

That's cool. There's nobody out there doing what Nate Jackson is doing right now writing about football. Enjoy.

http://deadspin.com/5860228/the-perils-and-pleasures-of-life-as-a-220+pound-tight-end

"Football Is Not a Woman's Game" by Nate Jackson - Esquire.com

Nate Jackson played in the NFL and is a good writer, astonishingly good for a former NFL player. His columns for Slate and Esquire almost always lend a touch of levelheaded insight and inside experience to conversations that often are dominated by non-athlete pencilnecks talking about jock-dom. This column about how women might need a bigger role in football, wweelllllll, not his best work I've read, but it's still got some sharp insight as to how NFL players in particular deal with the fairer sex. Read away if only for that.

http://www.esquire.com/the-side/feature/tv-recaps/monday-night-football-2011/women-in-football-6561912?click=pp

"Damn Philip Rivers" by Tom Chiarella - Esquire.com

Tom Chiarella lost a bet because of Philip Rivers. Tom Junod seems bitter. Still astute though.

http://www.esquire.com/the-side/feature/tv-recaps/monday-night-football-2011/philip-rivers-fumble-6537829

"How Troy Polamalu and Ed Reed Changed NFL Defenses" by Chris Brown - Grantland.com

Grantland has been absolutely killing it lately, and I completely realize they have been dominating this site. But what do you want me to do? Esquire and GQ update features monthly, the Times has not been bringing the fire lately, the New Yorker and Slate are only occasionally in the Poop Reads wheelhouse, and Vanity Fair thinks it's 1966. The internet has left me at a loss.

That being said, this article about Troy Polamalu and Ed Reed and the ever-evolving structure of NFL defenses is completely and totally fascinating to any football nut. I'm really impressed that someone that knows this much about football can write this well about it. I learned a lot from this article. You will too.

http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/7124536/how-troy-polamalu-ed-reed-changed-nfl-defenses

"Physically Unable to Perform: Jim Schwartz and Jim Harbaugh's Secret Meeting" - GQ.com

These two dudes shouting at each other is a really funny re-enactment of Harbaugh and Schwartz's panty-snapping fight the other day.


http://www.gq.com/blogs/the-q/2011/10/physically-unable-to-perform-jim-schwartz-and-jim-harbaughs-secret-meeting.html

"Harbaugh vs. Schwartz: Coach Fight" by Hua Hsu - Grantland.com

Jim Harbaugh's a douche right? We can all agree on this? That being said this Schwartz character seems like a bit of a penis himself. Harbaugh's press conference was pretty hilarious. Understated sarcasm like they write about in text books. Bullying 101. Harbaugh would crush Schwartz physically and he beat him on the field and that means he's two for two. Read more here:

http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/7115466/coach-fight

"Why the NFL Needs Tim Tebow" by Jay Caspian Kang - Grantland.com

Watch as Jay Caspian Kang makes a compelling case for why Tim Tebow is a necessary entity, and also does an innuendo-filled tap dance around race. He basically wants to see smiley, flashy black Cam Newton go against God-fearing, virgin white Tim Tebow. But doesn't quite say it. Props I guess? I mean you thought it, you definitely thought it. You just didn't say it. Half a prop then.

http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/7087823/why-nfl-needs-tim-tebow

"Monday Morning Quarterback" by Peter King - SI.com

Peter King's MMQB column. Here's how I feel about this column: Is it a little corny? Yes, definitely. Does it give you an excellent baseline upon which to build from when reading anything else about the NFL that week? Also yes, definitely. Have at.

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2011/writers/peter_king/10/10/Week5/index.html?eref=sihp&sct=hp_t11_a1-s1