"An Athlete and His Money are soon to Part" by Noah Davis - GQ.com

First off, 60-80% of NFL and NBA players are bankrupt within five years of leaving their respective leagues despite average salaries of over a million dollars per year. That is fucking BONKERS. But not really. Because think about the best athlete in your high school class. Then think about how dumb he was. Then times that by ten. That's how dumb most NFL and NBA cats are. Makes more sense now, right? Torii Hunter might be the stupidest person on earth. Read the article to find out why. There's a sucker born every minute folks.

http://www.gq.com/sports/guides/201204/athletes-millionaires-bankrupt-spending?mobify=0

"The Malice at the Palace" by Jonathan Abrams - Grantland.com

This is an oral history of the fight where Ron Artest beat some nerds ass in the stands because some fat asshole threw his beer at him. Pretty solid.

How much would it take for you to fight Ron Artest? I'd do it for 70 grand. I don't know, the number just speaks to me. I'm not getting my ass beat into oblivion by a crazy giant from Queensbridge for a cent less either. Seventy grand or the deal's off.

http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/7612311/an-oral-history-malice-palace

"Person of Interest: Jeremy Lin" - Jay Caspian Kang - Grantland.com

I didn't have a chance to read it but I trust Jay Caspian Kang, and Jeremy Lin is obvi hot in these streets right now. There's a lot of crazy things about this dude and this story, but the one that kills me is how much casual racism gets tossed into his overnight stardom. Motherfuckers just running around in the stands bowing to each other when he scores, and holding up signs that say "Who says Asians can't drive?" How is this just sliding by? Can you imagine if this cat was black and people were pulling this shit? There would be riots in the street. People would be getting shot in the south. Black guys would probably give up basketball en masse for hockey. It'd be pandemonium.

Jeremy Lin is a good sport.

http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/7570431/jeremy-lin

"Back in Play" by David Remnick - Grantland via The New Yorker

I didn't get a chance to finish this but I'll take Grantland's word that it's an all-time classic. Remnick is obviously a heavyweight and he followed Jordan around for his return season after the foray into baseball. Has to be good right? I don't know I can't make myself care about the NBA. I'm basically in a football-related K-Hole right now.

http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/7555753/david-remnick-classic-new-yorker-story-michael-jordan-first-return-basketball

"The NBA's 'That Dude Made What' All-Stars" by Robert Mays - Grantland.com

Goddamit these dickheads are overpaid. Stop watching the NBA now please. Or whenever it starts. These dudes don't deserve this loot. Like 20 of them deserve it. The rest of them, no no no. No. This is really insane.

http://www.grantland.com/blog/the-triangle/post/_/id/12245/the-nbas-that-dude-made-what-all-stars

"Buzzworthy NBA Names" by Carles - Grantland.com

As much as I hate posting shit by the dude from Hipsterrunoff.com, this is a funny article. And honestly, I can't get over Bismack Biyombo's name. No one else I've talked to has shared this excitement with me. But I am rooting so hard for this African cat to be nasty. Bismack Biyombo. Best name since Tokyo Sexwhale. Look it up.

http://www.grantland.com/blog/the-triangle/post/_/id/347/buzzworthy-nba-names

"Young Dirk" by Benjamin Markovits - Slate.com

Probably the last basketball article for a while for Poopreads, but one I thought was worthwhile. The author played against--and got sonned by--a 17-year old Dirk Nowitzki in some league in Germany. It's basically like if you or I played against Dirk when he was on the way up. The guy was amazed by him, understandably. Weirdest part of this article is that it doesn't sound like the dude played college ball? Like he just played in high school, worked on his jumper in pick-up games in college, and then went and played in some shit league in Germany that Dirk Nowitzki happened to be playing in his junior year of high school. I dunno, good read though.

http://www.slate.com/id/2296869/

Put a Ring on It: Steve Nash, Lebron James, and Jewelry" by Chris Ryan - Grantland.com

I have no idea who Chris Ryan is, do you? Where'd he come from? How'd he get on Grantland? One reason may be by writing brilliantly roundabout articles about Steve Nash just killing life in general, and how about maybe everybody needs to relax a little with the whole "Lebron James is the devil" thing. He's not the devil. He's a supremely talented athlete who was so sheltered his entire life because of his exceptional gifts that he has a poorly honed killer instinct and no concept of reality. That's all it is. Rant all you want.

http://www.grantland.com/blog/the-Triangle/post/_/id/195/

"Lebron James is Still a Cocksucker" by Drew Magary - Deadspin.com

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

"The Self Aware NBA" by Carles - Grantland.com

Good article breaking down NBA personalities. Too busy watching finals to write more. Enjoy, you won't not like it. Trust.

http://www.grantland.com/blog/the-triangle/post/_/id/100/the-self-aware-nba

"A Man Alone: Dirk vs. The Heat" by Jay Caspian Kang and Bill Barnwell - Grantland.com

Grantland, goddam! I like this site more and more. Here two dudes I don't know write a pretty cinematic, and then cuttingly realistic review of the NBA Finals. Very cool.

On another note, how ugly is Dirk Nowitzki? God bless him, heart of a champion, one of the top what, 15 players of all time, and really fun to watch play. But jesus H. christ. If it wasn't for George Murehsan he might be the ugliest baller of all time, with all due respect to Popeye Jones and Sam "ET" Cassell. Nowitzki looks like a 7-foot tall zombie vampire with the flu. No wonder he got mixed up with that meth head hooker. Yikes.

http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/6642375/dirk-vs-heat

"What Would A 16-Man NBA One-On-One Tournament Look Like?" by Drew magary and Tommy Craggs - Deadspin.com

AAGGHHHH. I just had a whole write up written about this and then the internet crashed and didn't save it. The internet sucks. It doesn't work right yet. Scientists need to get on that.

Anyway, this article is like fantasy land for basketball fans. Drew Magary and Tommy Craggs pick who would win a one on one tourney in the NBA. I don't follow the NBA that much, but from what I've seen, I feel like it has to be either Lebron, Kobe, Chris Paul, or Derrick Rose, with Durant knocking on people's doors and maybe even Melo sneaking in with his West Side Baltimore funk. I don't know. These guys feel like they might though.

http://deadspin.com/#!5798197/what-would-a-16+man-nba-one+on+one-tournament-look-like

p.s. If the link doesn't work just copy and paste it. Like I said, internet don't work right.

"NBA Playoffs are Wired: Part 2" by Bill Simmons - ESPN.com

WHERE WALLACE AT HUH??! WHERE WALLACE AT??!

Relax D, he's on Friday Night Lights crushing that cute black chick with the big smile and the freckles. Things turned out alright.

If anything in those first few sentences made sense to you you are going to love Part 2 of Bill Simmons' Wire quotes describing the NBA playoffs. B'lee dat.

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/part2/110503&sportCat=nba

"NBA Playoffs are Wired" by Bill Simmons - ESPN.com

This is why I still love Bill Simmons. First of all, he invented the sports and pop culture writing niche thats so prevalent these days. He's the Godfather. So there'e that. But also, this column is just so original. He takes the 60 best quotes from The Wire (the greatest television show of all time, bar none) and uses them to describe the NBA playoffs. That's a great column idea. And for any Wire fans out there, you are going to absolutely love revisiting these quotes.

It's a two-parter, so check back for part 2 tomorrow.

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/part1/110503&sportCat=nba

"NBA Talent Shines as Playoffs Open" by Adrian Wojnarowski - Yahoosports.com

I'll be honest. I don't follow the NBA more than casually. But my man Phil Blizza does and he's smarter than he looks (not hard to do, really). He sent me this link so if it sucks blame him. Pretty sure the title says it all. I guess these guys actually try to win in the playoffs?

The NBA, where mostly apathy happens!

http://sports.yahoo.com/nba/news;_ylt=AizVcMiepXf.PrX83w.TkWm8vLYF?slug=aw-wojnarowski_heat_chasing_championship_041811

thanks to Phil