"Wall Street Bonus Withdrawal Means Trading Wall Street for Coupons" by Max Abelson - Bloomberg.com

I almost feel bad posting this because I know a lot of finance heads read this and most of them are genuinely good dudes who are just trying to do the best they can. That being said, HOLY FUCKING SHIT ARE THE PEOPLE IN THIS ARTICLE COMPLETE SACKS OF SHIT. Read this if you want to be infuriated by some guy complaining about how people don't understand how hard it is getting by on $350,000 a year. I'm going to stop writing now because the only thing I can think of when I think of these people is redrumredrumredumredumredrumredrumredrumredrum ...

http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2012-02-29/wall-street-bonus-withdrawal-means-trading-aspen-for-cheap-chex.html

P.S. It's not even it's true or not. Everybody gets sucked into a lifestyle, and before you know it you got a big mortgage and private schools and car payments. But have the fucking decency and common sense not to say it out loud. And DEFINITELY not to say it to a fucking reporter. Seriously how someone with their head this far up their ass got to this point financially should worry all of us. Something ain't right.

"I Went to the Pre-Oscar Celebrity Gifting Suites and All I Got Was This Sense of Disgust" by Hamilton Nolan - Gawker.com

It's true what Ben Kingsley said on the Sopranos, the richest people in the world could afford anything they want if anyone ever charged them for it. But they don't get charged. Hamilton Nolan goes behind the scenes at the OSCARs to see for himself the ridiculously nice shit celebrities get for free. Just in case being rich, talented, and beautiful wasn't enough, they get cool shit handed to them too. Bullshit. Eat the rich.

Or just make me rich. Either/or.

http://gawker.com/5888267/i-went-to-the-pre+oscar-celebrity-gifting-suites-and-all-i-got-was-this-sense-of-disgust

"The Emasculation of Wall Street" by Gabriel Sherman - NYMag.com

I love how New York magazine and all these hipster Occupy losers and whatnot are trying to tell people it's no longer cool to work on Wall Street. Like yeah it was never "cool" to work 100 hours a week in a cube with a bunch of self-impressed nerds who conflate their net worth with their self worth so you could black out at B-Bar on Thursday night, and if you work in finance and you talk about your job in front of anyone else who doesn't work in finance you--with no doubt-- are a boring tool. But it's still kind of cool that otherwise mildly normal dudes can go work at a bank and make as much money as a cornerback and fuck chicks they'd never even get a whiff of if they didn't have that loot behind them. So in some ways, working on Wall Street will always be cool. Because being rich is cool. Quit trying to tell me otherwise.

http://nymag.com/news/features/wall-street-2012-2/

"Let Me Finish" by David Weigel - Slate.com

This article was pretty good, I have to say. Slate took two professional comedians, Paul F. Tompkins and some dude I've never heard of, and had them critique the three Republican candidates handling of hecklers while onstage. There's video of the specific incidents too. I gotta say, I wouldn't vote for either of these asshats in a million years, but Romney and Newtie Newt handled they bid'nis up on stage. Total shut down of the dirty stinking hippies hurling insults and poorly researched nuggets of faux wisdom at the top of their lungs. Politics is just fucking awful.

http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/politics/2012/01/mitt_romney_heckler_stand_up_comics_assess_how_santorum_romney_and_gingrich_deal_with_hostile_audience_members_.html

P.S. Romney definitely wants to take that hippie teacher to an isolated rich-person ranch in Alaska and hunt him as human prey. It probably already happened.

"Warren Buffet, American" by Tom Junod - Esquire.com

Look I don't claim to be no financial expert. You lock me in a room with a Microsoft Excel spreadsheet and only one of us is coming out alive. But this story about Buffet really struck a cord with me and just seems to make a lot of sense. The author theorizes that men like Buffet are truly the champions of capitalism and that these OWS hipsters wouldn't have call to be so mad if the rich made their money more like he did. You know, invest in actual products and companies instead of glorified get-rich-quick Ponzi schemes. I'm sure that's simplified as hell, but at times like these, something simple seems about right, does it not?

http://www.esquire.com/features/americans-2011/warren-buffett-1211?click=news

"A Conservative Beachhead in the Sunshine" by Jeremy W. Peters - NYTimes.com

Buncha rich conservatives live down in South Florida. The Times finds this newsworthy. I don't understand.

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/08/22/business/media/palm-beach-draws-conservative-media-personalities.html?_r=1&hp

"Stop Coddling the Super Rich" by Warren Buffet - NYTimes.com

Warren Buffet seems like a passive aggressive prick to me. Like all the other billionaires are sitting around trying to figure out how grow a second dick or buy a solid gold helicopter or bring a T-Rex back to life, and Buffet's sitting in the corner wearing rumpled dockers and eating a cheeseburger and trying to make them feel bad about not helping out the less fortunate with their vast accumulated wealth? Nice try Warren, everybody knows the only reason billionaires have a billion dollars in the first place is because they don't give a FLYING FUCK about the less fortunate. That's just life 101 right there.

Also doubly annoying for them that you could buy most of them ten times over and still have enough money to purchase a baby T-rex. Douche.

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/08/15/opinion/stop-coddling-the-super-rich.html?_r=1

p.s. That being said if Buffet wants to pay me back for the money Obama stole from me this year then he is Santa Claus, Jesus, and Paul Bunyan all rolled into one for me. Be my hero, Warren.

"It's Good to be Kings" by Seth Colter Walls - Slate.com

Good article here examining who is more egotistical, Kanye or Jay-Z. The author makes a few astute points about how both men view their accumulated wealth: Yeezy sees it as an end in itself while Jay views it with a more critical eye.

I got nothing more to add. My internet connection sucks, I'm sunburned, and I'm the lightest guy in this hotel lobby by at least 100 bills.

http://www.slate.com/id/2301313/

p.s. Not even joking as I wrote that last line the guy sitting behind me farted out loud and left. My cue to leave.

Of the 1% By the 1% For the 1% - by Joseph Stiglitz - Vanityfair.com

The rich will soon rue the day they became wealthy! I mean, not as much as the poor rue the day they became poor, but still. Stiglitz has a point in here somewhere I'm certain of it. I think it's pro-poor people.

http://www.vanityfair.com/society/features/2011/05/top-one-percent-201105

p.s. It's late.

"For the Executive with Everything, a $230,000 Dog" by John Tierney - NYTimes.com

For a mere quarter of a million dollars the rich can buy a dig that'll bite someones face off it comes near them. Similarly, the poor can adopt a pit bull for an $85 fee that will do the same. You tell me who won.

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/12/realestate/perpendicular-to-brunch-block-by-block.html?_r=1

"A Once-Tight Flock at Goldman, Now Scattered" by Susanne Craig - NYTimes.com

If you're at all interested in finance, success, money, rich people, or people in general, this story will appeal to you. The Times did an informal study on the 221 people who were fortunate enough to be partners at Goldman Sachs in 1998, the year it went public. It's a little "where are they now?" type deal. You'd be surprised. One dude's a pastor. Another guy lost his entire $120 million dollar fortune investing in a Turkish bioengineering company that was trying to create miniature giraffes for sale as pets.

I made that giraffe part up.

http://dealbook.nytimes.com/2011/05/16/a-once-tight-flock-at-goldman-now-scattered/

"Rich and Sort of Rich" by Andrew Ross Sorkin - NYTimes.com

These days making $250,000 per year makes you rich. So says Obama--and he wants to tax the hell out of you if you do make that much. I'm actually cool with that, I pull in about $245,000 a year off Poopreads and my other job doesn't cover the difference between that and 250k so I'm good, suckers. Pay up.

Guess I shouldn't have studied liberal arts in college?

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/05/15/weekinreview/15tax250copy.html?_r=2&ref=weekinreview