"Magic Mountain" What Really Happens at Davos" by Nick Paumgarten - NewYorker.com

The New Yorker sent some correspondent to go cover Davos. I only got through the first couple of pages but it ain't bad. If you're into that Davos stuff. Kind of sounds like summer camp for rich and powerful people. I got nothing else to say about that.

http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2012/03/05/120305fa_fact_paumgarten

"Wall Street Bonus Withdrawal Means Trading Wall Street for Coupons" by Max Abelson - Bloomberg.com

I almost feel bad posting this because I know a lot of finance heads read this and most of them are genuinely good dudes who are just trying to do the best they can. That being said, HOLY FUCKING SHIT ARE THE PEOPLE IN THIS ARTICLE COMPLETE SACKS OF SHIT. Read this if you want to be infuriated by some guy complaining about how people don't understand how hard it is getting by on $350,000 a year. I'm going to stop writing now because the only thing I can think of when I think of these people is redrumredrumredumredumredrumredrumredrumredrum ...

http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2012-02-29/wall-street-bonus-withdrawal-means-trading-aspen-for-cheap-chex.html

P.S. It's not even it's true or not. Everybody gets sucked into a lifestyle, and before you know it you got a big mortgage and private schools and car payments. But have the fucking decency and common sense not to say it out loud. And DEFINITELY not to say it to a fucking reporter. Seriously how someone with their head this far up their ass got to this point financially should worry all of us. Something ain't right.

"The Emasculation of Wall Street" by Gabriel Sherman - NYMag.com

I love how New York magazine and all these hipster Occupy losers and whatnot are trying to tell people it's no longer cool to work on Wall Street. Like yeah it was never "cool" to work 100 hours a week in a cube with a bunch of self-impressed nerds who conflate their net worth with their self worth so you could black out at B-Bar on Thursday night, and if you work in finance and you talk about your job in front of anyone else who doesn't work in finance you--with no doubt-- are a boring tool. But it's still kind of cool that otherwise mildly normal dudes can go work at a bank and make as much money as a cornerback and fuck chicks they'd never even get a whiff of if they didn't have that loot behind them. So in some ways, working on Wall Street will always be cool. Because being rich is cool. Quit trying to tell me otherwise.

http://nymag.com/news/features/wall-street-2012-2/

"Fire Congress, Dump Mississippi and Alaska" by Will Oremus - Slate.com

This is an article from Slate about how a private equity firm would run the country. Cutting the fat and selling the spare parts. Streamlining us down into one lean, mean, profit-turning, China-scaring motherfucker. I for one am all for anything that gets rid of Mississippi. Like damn, there's a lot of shitty states in the south, but everybody's got something going for them. Louisiana has New Orleans, food, and music. Florida has Miami and yachts. Alabama's got a damn stranglehold on football. Shit even Arkansas has Walmart. Mississippi's got dick. Hit the bricks bros, you're worthless.

Alaska's got all that oil but if we can't use it then sell, sell, sell. Underutilized resources like you read about on the internet. It's basically a gold mine of oil and I haven't even gotten into the timber yet. Sell it to like, France or somebody who could never ever ever beat us in a war.

Pretty sure I could run a PE firm. How hard could it be?

http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/moneybox/2012/01/america_for_sale_how_a_private_equity_firm_would_flip_the_united_states_to_china_.single.html

"Adam Corolla with the Most Amazing OccupyWallStreet Rant You'll Ever Hear" by KFC - Barstoolsports.com

Adam Corolla, nailed, fucking nailed these OWS cats. KFC at Barstool found it and put it up with his own commentary, which is legit funny and awesome and right on point. And it's long enough to warrant a Poopread. God bless.

http://nyc.barstoolsports.com/random-thoughts/adam-corolla-with-the-most-amazing-occupywallstreet-rant-youll-ever-hear/

"Karl Marx Was Wrong" by Infinite Guest - Dealbreaker.com

Pretty sure this is the first article we've ever posted from Dealbreaker. I used to read them a lot when I was a finance monkey, but now not so much. Usually just a bunch of snarky Ivy League dweebs pulling each other's puds about how smart they are and how rich they'll be. Sweet bro.

But this article deconstructing Communism is actually pretty good. Nobody deconstructs Communism anymore mostly because just about everyone but that one dude Elaine dated on Seinfeld agrees that the shit works a lot better on paper, but still, this is a thought provoking piece. But it still doesn't mean you get to be a selfish dickwad and justify it with the philosophical stylings of Ayn Rand. Don't do that. That's what dickwads do.

http://dealbreaker.com/2011/09/karl-marx-was-wrong/#more-51711

"Geithner: U.S. Financial System Much Stronger" by Victoria McGrane - WSJ.com

Quick hitter here so if you're in for the long haul you should probably go print out that Grantland article and read about marshmallows as well.

My boy Red Andy said this article was good and should be on here. Then my boy Mess said that the dude Geithner it's about is a "commie fuck who stole [my] taxes." I don't know shit about finance which is ironic because I worked in finance for three years pressing buttons on computers and nurturing a drinking problem. However I do know that when I did work at a bank I worked with this chick who was a complete twat who used to claim that her and Geithner were boys. And if that's the case, fuck this pinko cocksucker, he owes me two large as far as I'm concerned. Communism is on some bullshit.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052702303661904576456663745816124.html

"Bernie Madoff Feels like a Pinata" by Bess Levin - Dealbreaker.com

Aww, you guys! Bernie Madoff feels like he's being picked on by the media (and presumably everyone in jail with a fetish for butt raping soft, old, evil men). Poor guy, he really did a lot of good in his day before he robbed blind so many people that trusted him. We should really cut him some sl-fuck that shit. No joke, I read this article yesterday and just before I came across it I was telling my boy how it would be worth it to commit a crime just to go to jail for a day and curb stomp this fat asshole like my name was Tony Soprano. Leave his teeth laying all over the street like chiclets. Honestly, one day in jail. It's worth it. Might be worth it for a week. Over a week and I'll leave it to Cletus, Mack, and Levon to levy their own brand of meat-justice against him.

http://dealbreaker.com/2011/06/bernie-madoff-feels-like-a-pinata/#more-44083

p.s. The only good thing I can say about Bernie Madoff is that the name of his sportfishing boat Bull was a stroke of genius. It was a big, burly boat, designed as a place where guys could shoot the shit, owned by a man who was lying about the stock market doing well. So many levels. Smartest thing he ever did.

p.p.s. Meat-justice is the best term for prison rape ever.

"Former Pro Athletes Look to Wall Street for Real Riches" by Daniel Edward Rosen - www.fins.com

Apparently actual athletes, like Penn State's 1986 national champion QB Joh Shaffer, work in finance? I always thought it was a bunch of ex-sweet, now fat, lax bros running around the trading floors in whale pants and talking about how much tang their bro'd out share house in Fire Island was gonna get them this summer. Guess I was wrong?

Nah. 98% right is right where I come from.

http://www.fins.com/Finance/Articles/SB130330841163508233/Former-Pro-Athletes-Look-to-Wall-Street-for-Real-Riches?Type=0&link=FINS_hp_article_photo

"Goldman's Alpha War" by William D. Cohan - Vanityfair.com

A wild excerpt from Cohan's new book Money and Power: How Goldman Sachs Came to Rule the World about the power struggle between Jon Corzine and Hank Paulson for control of Goldman in the 90s. Dudes straight hated each other. And you know what they say, when elephants fight, the grass loses.

http://www.vanityfair.com/business/features/2011/05/goldman-sachs-201105?printable=true&currentPage=2

p.s. If you work in finance, I implore you: Get out! Get out now while there's still a twinkle in your eyes and a soul in your bosom. Get out and go tend bar in Big Sur, or work a shrimp boat in the Gulf, or start a totally kick-ass blog that is tangentially fecal matter-related. You'll be much happier. I promise you this.