"You Can't Spell Lush with L-S-U" by Ben Cohen - WSJ.com

LSU's fan base drinks more than any other. No surprise there. I went to an LSU/New Orleans bachelor party last September and my liver, kidneys, heart, and sense of shame still haven't recovered. I literally thought I was going to die at points. I had a buddy that went to school in New Orleans and he drank until his appendix shut down and I think one of his frat brothers killed a campus cop or something? Lil Wayne lost his virginity when he was 4 and shot himself in the chest when he was 11. Tyran Mathieu has a blonde mohawk and he's a black man. My point is, Louisiana is different.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970203471004577141180847382556.html?mod=WSJ_hpp_MIDDLE_Video_Top

"Baseball Has No Fighting Chance" by Jason Gay - WSJ.com

Jason Gay writes for the Journal about how the NFL dominates major league baseball. I wonder why that could be? Oh, I know. Could it be because baseball is boring as sin to watch? You know when I first realized baseball was boring? I was 8, watching the Mets-Dodgers in the '88 World Series, wondering exactly what kind of scenario would need to transpire for the Mets to call me up to bat in the playoffs, because I was certain I could have taken that nerd Orel Hershiser deep. The second I realized Davey Johnson wasn't stepping through that door was the second I realized baseball was boring to watch.

Wow there is a huge pod of dolphins out my window right now. I'm at the beach.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424053111904007304576494440128632246.html?KEYWORDS=football+baseball

thanks to Healy

"Geithner: U.S. Financial System Much Stronger" by Victoria McGrane - WSJ.com

Quick hitter here so if you're in for the long haul you should probably go print out that Grantland article and read about marshmallows as well.

My boy Red Andy said this article was good and should be on here. Then my boy Mess said that the dude Geithner it's about is a "commie fuck who stole [my] taxes." I don't know shit about finance which is ironic because I worked in finance for three years pressing buttons on computers and nurturing a drinking problem. However I do know that when I did work at a bank I worked with this chick who was a complete twat who used to claim that her and Geithner were boys. And if that's the case, fuck this pinko cocksucker, he owes me two large as far as I'm concerned. Communism is on some bullshit.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052702303661904576456663745816124.html

''Heavy Lifting, No Rest, Candy: The Bulgarian Method" by Hannah Karp - WSJ.com

Confession: I'm a closet meathead. I love to lift weights. I do. In fact, on my tombstone, one of the three things that I'd like written is "He knew his pecs." The other two are "He looked good in pants." and "He was always right." All three statements are truer than Jesus's love for sinners. That's just how it is.

That being said, I think this article is worthwhile for Poop Readers because it's about weightlifting but it's not about weightlifting at all. It's about a Bulgarian power lifting coach who dominated the sport in the 70s and 80s with an unorthodox training regimen, who is now living in the US and trying to spread his gospel. It's as American a story as there is. While also being about a total foreigner with wacky foreigner ideas.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052702304070104576397543601842556.html

"The Diet That Shook Up Tennis" by Tom Perrotta - WSJ.com

I'm kind of in that boat that thinks gluten-free diet is sorta bullshit for most people. Like if you really have celiac disease, that sucks, and by all means, don't eat that bread or drink that beer. But otherwise it's just kind of a nuisance to the other people who have to eat with you and put up with your imaginary dietary restrictions. That's poor form.

Anyway, Novak Djokivic went gluten-free and it helped his game apparently. So call me a jerk if you want. I still don't believe in gluten free anything. And Nadal is about 11x cooler anyway. Pretty sure that dude snorts gluten. Doesn't seem like the kind of guy that would turn any substance away.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703509104576327624238594818.html

"'Most Likely to Succeed' Burden" by Sue Shellenbarger - WSJ.com

Apparently there's a lot of people out there who were voted Most Likely to Succeed in their high school yearbooks and yet never really amounted to anything. Poppycock. High school superlatives are always accurate indicators of future success. For example, I got voted "Most Likely to Win an Olympic Gold Medal" and ten short years later I started a blog filled with articles people can read while they dump out.

Think about it.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704681904576315061355921584.html?mod=WSJ_LifeStyle_Lifestyle_5

"The Knicks Need to Find 15 More Seconds" by Jason Gay - WSJ.com

Is this Poopreads' first WSJ article? Feels like it might be, would have to check the archives and I'm not going to do that so let's just say that this is the first entry. It's about basketball, weirdly. Specifically the Knicks and their playoff hopes. It's definitely a New York article. Crisp, funny, short. You may want to print out an addendum if you think it's gonna be a while.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704570704576275223046990898.html?mod=wsj_share_twitter

p.s. Anytime anyone has the last name Gay I immediately assume they can kick my ass. Kind of like being a boy named Sue.

Update: Not the first WSJ article.

"The Sleepless Elite" by Melinda Beck -WSJ.com

So apparently there's a bunch of assholes out there who only need like 3 hours of sleep a night and don't drink coffee or anything. They're just naturally rightinyourfacerightnowandidon'tneedanysleeptodoitbitch!!!!!

Never heard of a better reason for rufies in my life. And I'm not advocating rape, I'm advocating finding one of these jerkbags and making them involuntarily unconscious from time to time like the rest of us.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703712504576242701752957910.html?KEYWORDS=sleep