You're not fucking sick. You're not lactose intolerant, you just fart a lot. You don't have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, you're just tired like everyone else in the world is. And you're not allergic to gluten, you're just a pain in the ass who wants other people to plan their meals around you.
That's basically the gist of the article. People need to stop worrying about their health. It all probably evens out, between the stress you put on your heart by worrying about that freckle on your shoulder, and the chances it's actually a deadly cancer. Mathematicaly speaking, you're still probably gonna live til you're 87. So pour yourself a drink and shut the fuck up.
P.S. I have a buddy who hasn't been to the doctor for a check up in years. He just gives blood every now and again, and figures if he has AIDS or something they'll test it and tell him. It's genius. Kid saves money on doctors like a motherfucker. That's the kind of ingenuity America was built upon.
P.P.S. Yes Kyle, it is Chuck.