Welcome to Poop Reads, a hand-picked collection of the best writing on the web. Where you read us, and what you're doing there, is your own business.

Monday, July 18, 2011

"The Man Who Will Cook You Anything" by Adam K. Raymond - Esquire.com

Some carnie out in Cali will cook any animal he can get his small disgusting carnie hands on for you. Lion, maggot, gator, it doesn't matter to this dude. And really it shouldn't matter to you.* Meat is meat is meat. I ate a live conch dick the other day. No big deal. I'm not trying to brag. I'm just tough like that. "Hey kid you want some conch dick? " he says. "Sure," I say. And slurp that shit down. Tastes like salty spaghetti. Also immediately got hard. It's basically natures Viagra.

But my boner is neither here nor there you sick animals so stop thinking about it. All I'm trying to say to you, is I will slap some Frank's hot sauce on a black bear burger and wolf it down so fast it'll make your head spin, and that's all I know.

*Except maggots. People who eat maggots are worthless.

No comments:

Post a Comment