Welcome to Poop Reads, a hand-picked collection of the best writing on the web. Where you read us, and what you're doing there, is your own business.

Monday, June 6, 2011

"Paw Paw and Lady Love" by Dan P. Lee - NYMag.com

This all encompassing retrospective on Anna Nicole Smith's marriage to a one billion year old billionaire and the subsequent battle for his cash after he died is an amazing story in its own right. But that's not what I want to talk about tonight.

I want to talk about how ludicrously hot Anna Nicole Smith was in her prime. I'm talking fresh out the gates, Playmate of the year, Naked Gun 33 1/3 Anna Nicole Smith. She. Was. FIRE! When I was 12 finding Naked Gun 33 1/3 on late night TV was pure gold. Like if you were at a sleepover that shit would come on and when she rolls out with the titty tassles on ... Jesus Christ. Titty tassles on Anna Nicole Smith to a 12 year old is like winning the fucking Powerball lottery is to an adult. I shit you not. She comes out wearing those things and all of the sudden every dude at the party mysteriously has to take a shit. Like Danny's in the downstairs bathroom "taking a shit", Lil Tommy scurried off to the upstairs one, J.B. is "waiting to take a shit" in the garage, and you? You've got Danny's family room all to your lonesome. Whatcha gon' do?

p.s. Anybody who went to sleepovers after age 12 is gayer than cum on a mustache and you can't tell me different.

No comments:

Post a Comment