"The Top Eight Reactions From the 2012 Oscar Winners (and Losers)" by Amos Barshad - Grantland.com

My boy Glennzo mentioned this article to me today and said that Amos Barshad killed it. I read it and it didn't really crush me or anything, but then again I didn't watch the oscars, so uh, do you with that what you will.

Am I the only one who doesn't get the fascination with Meryl Streep? Are people really going to the movies to see her act? Does any straight male in America think she's as "bbeeaaauuttiiffulllll" as chicks insist she is? I just, I don't know, like I said, she's fine, she's a good actress, but I'm not kicking down doors to see her movies and I don't know anyone who is.

http://www.grantland.com/blog/hollywood-prospectus/post/_/id/44423/the-top-eight-the-reactions-from-the-2012-oscar-winners-and-losers

"The Sound of Violence" by Daniel Engber - Slate.com

Slate explains why punching sounds in movies went from dull thuds to wet crunches. It's way more interesting than I just made it sound. Shit got mad visceral because you sick animals want it that way. Also, I haven't seen Drive, but from the clip I saw embedded in this article it looks like Ryan Gosling stomps some guys head completely off? Props there. Do you, Gosling.

http://www.slate.com/articles/arts/culturebox/2012/02/drive_the_sound_editing_in_the_elevator_stomping_scene_.html

"The Nostalgia Fact-Check: Does The Bodyguard Hold Up?" by Kyle Buchanan - NYMag.com

I don't really remember The Bodyguard except for the fact that the music was literally everywhere when I was like, what? Eleven? I also remember the samurai sword scene, Whitney Houston would melt your dick right off your hips in that scene. Other than that, there was a toy boat blowing up and some weirdo hard-tittied robot costume that Whitney wore. That's all I got.

Costner, was he underrated, overrated, or perfectly rated? Always seemed kind of boring to me for a hollywood megastar. Never really saw it. He seemed like Harrison Ford's kicked-down and beat-up little brother. Harrison Ford sneaky grossed more than any other film star ever. Stars Wars, Indiana Jones, the Patriot Games movies. Fact. Look it up.

http://www.vulture.com/2012/02/nostalgia-fact-check-does-the-bodyguard-hold-up.html

'Australian Politician Jacks a Movie Quote from a Michael Douglas Movie" by KFC - Barstoolsports.com

Title pretty much says it all here folks. But what are you gonna except shrug? Australia, America's fun, drunk cousin. KFC put together a list of his five favorite movie speeches of all time though, and while it's not technically an article I don't think, my god is it watchable.

http://nyc.barstoolsports.com/random-thoughts/austrailian-politician-jacks-a-speech-word-for-word-from-a-michael-douglass-movie/

"Contraband" by Dana Stevens - Slate.com

Nice little article on Mark Wahlberg here. Goes in depth on why people like him. I know why. He goes charming to psychopath in the flash of an eye and he has good abs. Chicks lluuhhhh dat shit. Also, he's a believable tough guy, because he is actually a tough guy. Or at least used to be kind of a punk. You know he did jail time as a kid for blinding some random guy with a sucker punch? Actually blinded him. Look it up.

http://www.slate.com/articles/arts/movies/2012/01/contraband_mark_wahlberg_is_our_most_effortlessly_masculine_actor_.html

"YouTube Hall of Fame" - Grantland.com

Another Grantland piece? Sure why not. This is from the always watchable/readable YouTube Hall of Fame series. It's the editors' picks for the best movie trailers ever. Some of them are really oddball picks. I have no idea what my favorite movie trailer of all time is but it must have been better than some of these.

Ahhh, yes. The name of the movie was Deuces Wild. Saw that trailer in the cinema with my boy Phil and we were all "ooohhh shit that movies gonna be suh-weet!" I think we honestly went on opening weekend in 2002. Worst. Fucking. Movie. Ever. Made. Period.

Here's the trailer. I have the sinking suspicion that re-watching it now for the first time in 9 years I'm going to realize how fucking dumb I was in 2002.

Just watched. Oh good Jesus was I dumb. You too Phil. You too.

http://www.grantland.com/blog/hollywood-prospectus/post/_/id/39085/youtube-hall-of-fame-the-best-movie-trailers-ever

"The Career Arc: Eddie Murphy" by Bill Simmons - Grantland.com

Bill Simmons goes in depth on Eddie Murphy's career. Did you know his movies have grossed more than Will Smith's and almost twice Denzel's? Me neither. Obviously the Shrek series is a good chunk of that but still. Too bad he's into trannie's huh? Guy coulda really made something of himself.

I don't get that. Trannie's. Chicks with dicks. The whole deal. Are you gay? Are you almost gay? Are you gayer than gay? Something else? It's so weird, and yet remember how many ads there were for them in the back of porno mags? Tons. Shitloads. Dudes must be into that shit. At least in the 90s anyway.

Hey here's Lola. She's smoking hot and wearing a skirt. She's also got a legit hammer. Deal with it.

RIP porno mags.

http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/7189740/eddie-murphy

"Movies That Make Men Cry" by KFC - Grantland.com

That's not the real title of the article but the real title was nondescriptive and wack. Anyhoo, KFC from Barstool weighs in again with the 5 guy movies that make him cry. Not a ton of writing here but if you've got an iPad on the pot or time to kill at work these clips he picked are great. The Rudy clip had me cheering arms in the air with a single tear rolling down my right cheek like I'd never seen the movie before. Gets me everytime.

Saving Private Ryan is an obvious one. My boy Bones refuses to watch that movie with me exactly for the reasons the author lays out. I didn't make it through Click and I've never seen Homeward Bound, but I don't blame KFC for not watching Marley and Me. I won't even sniff that movie. I'd be a puddle. I know my limits.

Oh and I don't hold it against Feitelberg that he cried at Armageddon either. Shit was sad.

http://nyc.barstoolsports.com/random-thoughts/virgin-airlines-to-start-issuing-warnings-for-in-flight-movies-that-will-make-you-cry/

"Patrick Bateman's New York" - Scouting New York

I never really got the whole infatuation with American Psycho. Decent-to-pretty-good flick, some quotable lines, but I don't get those dudes who go around quoting it all the time and acting like because they like that movie they're in some exclusive club for intellectual weirdos. It's an ok movie made from from a book that sucked. Get over yourself. You're not that smart.

That being said, you might be one of those people, and in fact might love this article about what happened to the places talked about in the movie and book. Enjoy.

http://www.scoutingny.com/?p=4259

thanks to pumpmonkey

"What the F Is the MPAA Thinking?" by Mark Harris - Grantland.com

Mark Harris weighs in on what it takes for a movie to get an R rating and why we pretend we are offended by the word "fuck".

I don't have much else to say about this. I'm not a big movie guy but I fucking love to curse.

http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/6783793/what-f-mpaa-thinking

"Since When Are We All Such Geeks" by Eryn Green - Esquire.com

Eryn Green has really distinguished herself here. She's becoming a regular Poop Reads contributor: The first female one. Granted she's got lay-up topics--basically anything she thinks is interesting in pop culture that month, but still, due propers, Eryn Green.

Here she opines on why we love comic book movies and shitting on dumb beauty pageant contestants. Hint: You're not as cool as you think you are. And if you're one of those self-effacing type cats who would admit to being a nerd before being cool, but actually think you're cool somewhere deep down inside, well, you're even worse. Hipster.

http://www.esquire.com/the-side/opinion/geek-news-5995941?click=pp

UPDATE: Just found out Eryn Green is actually a dude. Fuck kind of name is that?