That being said, if you don't get a little emotional when Branch recounts Boogard's brothers finding his body, go read Brobible or SociopathsRus.com or something, cuz I got nothing for ya.
This is good shit.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
"Derek Boogard: A Brain 'Going Bad' by John Branch - NYTimes.com
Ok so this is the second installment of the Times 4-part series on hockey enforcer Derek Boogard's death, and I guess it answers some of the questions raised in my blog from last night about the first piece. But it doesn't answer all of them.
"Deadspin Funbag" by Drew Magary - Deadspin.com
Goddamit did I just lose a lot of respect for Drew Magary. The subhead for this funbag is "A Guide to Farting in the Middle of a Blowjob", and yeah it caught my attention, and sure, I laughed at the thought. But some butt dowel of a reader wrote in and asked what he should do if he has to fart when he's getting head, and numb nuts, Drew Magary, with the motherfuckin' book deal and all, is basically like, "Yeah go ahead kid, light up your girl's entire face with your ass smoke. Knock yourself out. That's what men do."
The. Fffffffffuck?
The answer is fucking no. No. A thousand times no. You can not, under any circumstances fart while getting head. Not only does that ensure some random chick will not continue blowing you, let alone tell every single girl she knows ensuring you never get blow'd down again except by that one slut that gets drunk and slurps ur'rything. But your girlfriend is going to A. slap the shit out of you B. dump you and C. go fuck your three best friends, possibly at the same time, out of sheer spite. It's also grounds for divorce.
I have blogged about Magary's ineptitude many a time, but recently he's been getting better. But this is inexcusable. "Yes its ok to blast a chicks nose off mid-knobber." Get real Bro. This ain't make believe. Your words have consequences.
Monday, December 5, 2011
"Social Animal" by David Brooks - NewYorker.com
This is one of my favorite articles in a while. A little different speed than the stuff I usually rave about: there's no man-eating tigers or break-downs of off-tackle counters here. In effect, David Brooks breaks down life. His hypothesis is that as theology and philosophy continue to let us down, more and more we can turn to science and (gulp) sociology to teach us about who we are and what we are doing here. This is a hard article to explain because basically it attempts to do the impossible: explain life.
The best way I can relay to you how much I liked this piece is to say that I read it walking from the subway to the gym today and almost got run over twice because I was so absorbed. That's good shit right there (not the almost-dying part, the writing I mean).
"Derek Boogard: Blood on the Ice" by John Branch -NYTimes.com
This is a pretty cool article on the former hockey enforcer Derek Boogard, who recently OD'd on an alcohol and painkiller cocktail. It was on the main page of the Times today and is mostly cool because it is interactive--as the writer describes fights and locations you can click on videos of them. Otherwise I'm not sure why it garnered so much attention. It's pretty well written, and it's an interesting subject, but I feel like I've read this before. Hell I think I might have posted this before from Grantland or something. All these articles about the hockey enforcer deaths as of late (Rick Rypien and Wade Belak were the others) kind of half postulate that they're the result of traumatic head injuries, but serve up little evidence that that's actually the case.
Listen, not to be callous, because nobody, especially stand-up guys (by all accounts) like these guys should lead lives this short, but you can't go around pointing fingers at sports like hockey and football and say that's why people do horrific things to themselves. Yes, there is evidence that some of the hits these guys take fuck them up later in life. But also, violent sports, by and large, attract people that are a little bit crazy, guys that "do" first and "think" second. Personalities that live life hard and take things to extremes. It's the same profile of someone who abuses their body until they die.
In short, we love to watch these guys on the ice and the field because they are crazy, and sometimes crazy people do crazy things. So while it's very easy and apparently in vogue to blame the sports for its participants' actions, I think you really need to look at the people who choose to participate in those sports, and see the larger pattern for what happens to them as their lives proceed. Just my two cents. I could be wrong, but I doubt it.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
"The Curse of Takeo Spikes" by Don Banks - Si.com
I renamed this article because Don Banks' title sucked.
You know what? Takeo Spikes has played 14 seasons without one damn playoff appearance. Not Super Bowl appearance. Playoffs. That fucking sucks. Takeo Spikes is a good player too. Also his neck is just, I mean, I don't even know what to say. It's in that category with Reese Witherspoon's chin and Coco's butt. Like it shouldn't even belong on a human being. Takeo Spikes looks like Roadblock from the Gi Joes. I mean it's absurd. His neck is like a 23. I have nothing else to say, just ... behold.
"We Are All Closing Time" by Steven Hyden - Grantland.com
Love this article. Basically explains the universality and enduring popularity of "Closing Time." Epic 90s song. I always pair it in my head for some reason with Goo Goo Dolls "Iris" which was the biggest song in the world for fucking ever in like 1998/99. Not kidding that song was inescapable for a full two years. And the irony was, it was a song about being lonely and having nobody understanding you at all, and yet seemingly every single person in the world loved it and understood it perfectly. Genius pop song. No bullshit. Iris.
"Adam Corolla with the Most Amazing OccupyWallStreet Rant You'll Ever Hear" by KFC - Barstoolsports.com
Adam Corolla, nailed, fucking nailed these OWS cats. KFC at Barstool found it and put it up with his own commentary, which is legit funny and awesome and right on point. And it's long enough to warrant a Poopread. God bless.
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