"The Mobster Who Brought Down the Mob" by Kevin Gray - MensJournal.com

The internet is kind of laying down on the job lately. This is the best I sniffed out today, an article from Men's Journal on some Staten Island mick who basically fucked over the entire Colombo mob family. Not gonna lie, I don't understand how Italians compete still in the world of crime. Makes no sense to me. Like 11 times out of 10 a black dude is tougher than an Italian, and the same goes for those crazy Albanian and Ukrainian cats. And the Mexicans, forget it, they'll slice you nose to dick and leave you in the street on their way to lunch. I just don't know how Vinny, Mikey, and Tony can compete in today's sophisticated organized-crime environment. Maybe that's why they had an Irish guy so high up in the ranks that he could take them all down?

http://www.mensjournal.com/the-mobster-who-brought-down-the-mob

"Beavis, Butthead, and Me" by David Giffels - Grantland.com

My bad Poop Readers, been down in Lauderdale for the last couple days and haven't had a chance to post. The silver lining of that cloud should be that when I come back on Sunday there should be a shitload of awesome articles on the internet for me to post, right? Wrong. Internet took a goddam bellyflop while I was gallivanting around southern Florida (barefoot, in a fucking monsoon no less, but that's a story for another day).

Anyway, I read this article on Beavis and Butthead while I was soaking wet at a bar waiting for a piece of mahi mahi (not a code word, actual dinner) and I really liked it. Enough that I texted it out to a few guys immediately. But to be honest, I was drunk and I don't fully recall what it's about. Beavis and Butthead's place in pop cultural history I think. It's actually a pretty smart piece. I think.

http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/7156567/beavis-butt-head-me

"How to Tell If Someone Is Lying to You" - Lifehacker.com

An entire article on how tell if someone is bullshitting you or not. I feel bad even posting this. Like I know some of you out there are total scummers getting away with lying about every single thing under the sun. And here I am outing you. But it's for the best. It is.

And by the way the best way to lie is to convince yourself what you're saying is true. If you believe it, it's not technically lying, and your body signals won't betray you. Then you don't have to worry about anything in this article. You're welcome.

Solve problems: That's what we do here at Poop Reads. Really. That's actually what we do. That's the whole point.

http://lifehacker.com/5852572/how-to-read-and-utilize-body-language-to-reveal-the-truth-in-almost-any-situation

"The Real Rocky" by Michael Weinreb - Grantland.com

Rocky was a real person and his name is Chuck Wepner. A big tough white dude who went 15 rounds with Muhammad Ali. Oh shocker he's from Jersey. All the best* ones are.

http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/7144768/the-real-rocky

*Dumb, ugly, tough, disproportionately charming ones, I mean.

"I Can't Think of Anything More Stupid than Apple Picking" by KFC - BarstoolNYC.com

KFC from Barstool getting in on it. Funniest guy on the internet for my money. This one's a quick hitter but it's a pretty dead-on character read of the kind of people who go apple picking and post the pictures on Facebook. You know those people. You hate them too.

Only thing I would have changed about this is that it should have been pumpkin picking, since it's the week before Halloween. Same shit, different plant. Right this very instant someone you don't really like is posting pictures of their impossibly skinny, joyous selves frolicking in some dumb pumpkin patch somewhere upstate in a naked attempt to make you think they are better than you. Don't worry Poop Readers; they're not. They're just branding themselves on Facebook because they thrive on the perceived envy and approval of strangers. And that makes them insecure losers.

http://nyc.barstoolsports.com/random-thoughts/i-cant-think-of-anything-more-stupid-than-apple-picking/

"Why I Don't Like Coldplay? An Investigation" by Sasha Frere-Jones - NewYorker.com

I've mentioned my long-held distaste for Coldplay before.* Outside of "Clocks," which was a good song, I find them trite, bland, and yeah, twee. It's music for people who don't actually like music. But I'll stop writing here because Sasha Frere-Jones nailed them awesomely in this article, explaining why he doesn't like them. Two choice quotes:

"[Chris] Martin rarely walks when he has the option to skip."

and

"The tunes are there, usually three to an album, but that is something you could say of even their weakest contemporaries, like Maroon 5. What puts them up into some higher level of accessibility must be an averaging of Martin’s guarantee to never shock or offend anyone—which parents value—and the toy soldier brand of pageantry and celebration that underpins so many songs. Coldplay keep throwing massive parades for themselves, without explanation or merit. Some folks just love confetti."

Maroon 5, you guys. Maroon. 5.

http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/sashafrerejones/2011/10/why-dont-i-like-coldplay-an-investigation.html

*that link next to the asterisk might be the best blog I've ever written. Even better than the one that got quoted in full by New York Magazine. NBD.

"How Do You Spell Gaddaffi? The Linguistics Behind Libya's Leader" by Zoe Fox - Time.com

Qaddafi. Gadaffi. Qhaththaffi. Whatever, I spell it D-E-D. And his face looked like a jack o'lantern that got put on the stoop on mischief night. Game, set, match, democracy?

http://newsfeed.time.com/2011/02/23/how-do-you-spell-gaddafi-the-linguistics-behind-libyas-leader/

P.S. Zoe Fox has to be hot right? That's not a name for an ugly chick.