"Coast Guard Raged at Liner Captain, Tape Shows" by Philip Pullella - Yahoo.com

Dudes been keeping up with this? This Italian Ocean Liner crashed off of the Italian coast because the captain wanted to swing by the shore and "salute" his friend. Inevitably, he hit a rock, the ship sunk, people died, and he was the very first one off the boat, wrapped in a blanket, surrounded by his officers. My buddy Scranga described it as like when Biggie Smalls died. Just a bunch of idiots panicking and surrounding some other idiot who done fucked up now.

Then this fool of a captain got on a lifeboat and got fucking screamed at by the Coast Guard over the radio. The transcript is here. This story would be hilarious if people didn't die. But they did, so this guy should do the honorable thing and hang himself. That's real talk there. This argument is ridic.

http://news.yahoo.com/coast-guard-ordered-ship-captain-back-board-124134509.html

p.s. I wish I knew how to embed video so I could stick in the Family Guy scene where Peter argues with the Italian butcher even though he doesn't know hot to speak Italian. Bippity boppity! Bippity BOPitty? Boppitty bippittee bippitee boppity!!!

"Burning Down the House" by Michael Weiss - Slate.com

Wait. Something's going on in London? Lawlessness or whatever. At least they don't have guns. Kinda cute actually.

Yes you do want to riot, English people. Yes you do! Coochie coo!

Edward and Cyril get gatted so quick in American riots it doesn't even count. Tally ho, pussies.

http://www.slate.com/id/2301217/

p.s. Before the Times breaks the story I want you to hear it here first. My boy Wang is behind these riots. Guaranteed. He's trying to drive up the price of gold. Not even joking.