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Thursday, October 20, 2011

"Six Ways to Fix Jersey Shore" by David Jacoby - Grantland.com

Not gonna lie, I used to really enjoy Jersey Shore. The hair gel, the fist pumping, the bolt-on titties ... it really took me back to my youth in New Jersey, where I laid claim to the palest-kid-in-town title. But now it's just flat-out grating. I usually use the time my girlfriend takes to watch it by concentrating really, really hard and writing this blog. For impactful trashiness, Garden State-bile, and sheer stupidity, I go Jersey Housewives all the way. Plus Melissa Gorga is hotter than all the Jersey Shore girls combined, mmm, maybe except for J-Wow, jury's still out there.

Anyway, this dude David Jacoby for Grantland wrote six ways to make the show better. Which is five things too many. Because really all they have to do is revamp the damn cast. Let Paulie D have his spin off because that guy rules. Everybody else can hit the bricks, except maybe J-Wow, because again the jury's out on her. Get new meatheads in the house, trust me, there is no shortage. And get new chicks. Hot chicks. For the love of God! Hot chicks! I still don't know how they screwed that up. They had the entire guidette population of the world at their hands--a group of women whose only goal in life is to be hot--and they somehow ended up with two warthogs, the shrillest girl in the world, and a walking, talking sex doll. Poor casting. Jersey Shore needs a do over.

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